We’ve all been there. It’s like women are genetically programmed to be territorial, and any woman that got to our man before we did is automatically on our sh*t list. She could be Mother Theresa and we’d still find something wrong with her.
When getting into a new relationship, I always do my research. The first thing I look for is the roster of ladies my new partner has been with before we met.
Thanks to social media, finding his history is usually a breeze. After a track record of getting cheated on and lied to, knowing what I’m getting into early on is a strong defense.
Most women dislike their boyfriend’s ex because they see her as a threat to their new relationship. I was like that with my past relationships. I became so determined to not let their exes come between us that I ultimately become one: an ex.
Now that I’m in a stable, long-term, relationship I finally see how much time I wasted on women that were a part of my partner’s past. Granted, it took me a long time (and many tense conversations with my boyfriend), but I found a way to not let past, or even present, forces affect our future.
Here’s why I recommend you to practice the art of “letting go”.
1. You’re making their past relationship your problem.
Your boyfriend and his ex had their time. No matter how things ended, remember that they did. Your relationship and theirs are two very different things. Whatever they had has nothing to do with you, and their issues shouldn’t become yours. If you can’t handle the truth, don’t ask.
2. Conversations about his ex cause tension and defensiveness.
Keeping his ex an active presence in conversation will do nothing but cause tension between you two. It’s common for men to not understand why women get so fixated on their ex-girlfriend, so they take it as an attack toward them as a boyfriend.
When you’re both on the defense, nothing will be amended and bigger problems arise. While it’s important to have open communication with your partner, express yourself in a way that doesn’t come off as aggressive.
3. Your fixation is a sign of your own insecurity.
What if your boyfriend was constantly focusing on your relationship with your ex? Most would see that as a sign of insecurity and having trust issues when you’ve given him no reason to be that way.
When the situation is flipped, everything changes. Putting yourself in his shoes will give you some insight on just how pointless this “obsession” has become.
4. You’re creating situations that don’t exist.
As bizarre as this may sound, she’s probably a really nice person. Heartbreak changes people — the sooner you recognize that, the easier it will become to let go of your aggression toward her.
Her “master plan” to steal your boyfriend away from you may mostly exist in your imagination, and she may just be trying to heal. Under different circumstances, you guys might’ve hit it off as friends.
5. Hating her will do nothing but make you look bitter.
While it may be a fun subject to talk about with your girlfriends, it’s not worth wasting your breath. If she continuously talks negatively about you and your relationship, let her.
Her jabs will make her look weak and not fighting back will prove that you’re mature enough to not let it get to you. Ultimately, she’ll get over it and realize she’s not getting a rise out of you. Like that old saying, “Kill them with kindness.”
6. You’re making your relationship all about her.
Don’t mess that up over nothing. He chose to date you for a reason. Instead of putting so much energy in keeping his ex out of his life, focus on keeping him in yours. Trust that he will be with you no matter how many exes you both have.
She may not be your favorite person, but don’t forget that she is one. You guys don’t have to be best friends, but being cordial toward her proves that you’re confident in who you are and your relationship.