How To Be Attractive To The Average Male

Baie.
Baie.


Recently I came across an article titled ‘13 Things A Woman Can Do To Be More Attractive To Men‘. It was quite a controversial piece where the author had given himself the authority to represent the male population’s views on what a woman should be to become desired by the opposite sex.

Assuming the article was aimed at women who have had no luck being attractive to males prior to the thought provoking piece, I would like to rephrase some of the key points made in order to portray in a different light.

1. Be Lara Croft


If you want a man, you have to go to the gym several times a week and throughout your life you must remain the same weight with an ideally proportionate body. Post pregnancy weight, illness or natural tendencies towards either side of the scale meter are not accounted for. You must be Lara Croft and if you’re not, well honey say goodbye to your dream of finding an average man. 



2. Show no signs of identity



The above is absolutely vital. No piercings, no tattoos, no dyed hair, only wear socially acceptable clothing, if in doubt purchase some straight black trousers and a brown cardigan from your local charity shop. 



3. Do not tell a soul about your achievements


You must earn money and have a career but if you ever dare to be more successful than an average male, please refrain from telling him about your achievements in case it makes him feel insecure.



4. Be a princess



No beer, no inappropriate jokes, no football or video games etc. 



5. Don’t have an opinion



Never challenge the average male or tell him to utilize his potential. When he comes home, bring him a beer and slippers then proceed to oral while he watches his favourite show. Every. Day. 



6. Be a virgin whore



The heading says it all, you have to know everything about sex and be great at it but it would be best if you were a virgin (1 partner at the most). 



7. Be intelligent



Make sure you take time to study. However, going back to the previous points, remember that you can never challenge the man or belittle him by showing off your knowledge nor can you have a debate with him as you must be submissive.



8. Give your kids up for adoption



An average man doesn’t want a woman with children as it implies commitment and a certain level of maturity so you must get rid of them. This particularly applies to widows.

9. Kitchen duties

In between the gym, work, studying and all the sex please keep in mind that you must cook at least 3 days a week (ideally 7), because for the rest of the week you will either get take away food or go out to eat as the average man does not cook. 



10. Get a landline



Phones should only be used for calling. All of your attention must be aimed at your average male the whole time you are in his gracious presence (social media posts are ridiculous unless they are created by him), otherwise like a child (which you had to give up for adoption) he will pipe up as soon as he doesn’t get attention. 



11. Be naturally beautiful



No one likes make up because it’s deceiving so you have to be naturally beautiful at all times and look like those ‘non-photoshopped’, ‘non makeup wearing’ celebrities which the average guy drools over. 



12. Don’t f$£*@%g swear you dumb b@#$h


(Self-explanatory).



13. No male friends


Because all males assume that all other males are not capable to build a friendship with a female based on her qualities rather than a hope of having sex with her.



Now, although there are certain points made in the article which I agree with, I think it’s very silly to say that a woman who strives to be fitter, more intelligent and generally the best version of herself has to do so in order to gain the attention of the average guy. If she chooses to do so, it has to be for her own sake.

 People need to stop creating unrealistic generalized criteria for both men and women and if they do, then I hope they make them a little more meaningful and less superficial. TC mark

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