It’s not okay.
You know it. You know it’s not okay, and you know that you’re not okay.
But you continue. Each time something comes up, each time you’ve been hurt; and no matter how hard it is, you say ‘It’s okay.’
Even though you’re up at 3 in the morning, just waiting for God to take your life; and at that moment you feel as though glass shards went through your chest and out your back, that chill crawling down your spine as your demons caresses you while you try with many failed attempts to sleep, as your lips tremble and your hand shake, you muster up the strength again and you say, “It’s okay.”
Even though you feel like it’s always you. Every. Single. Fucking. Time. It’s always you being compromised. It’s always you being the last pick. It’s always you never being enough. It’s always you being too much.
Even though you feel like the whole world is against you, and it’s always going to be your fault no matter what you do. You still muster up the strength and you say ‘It’s okay.’
Because once upon a time someone told you that you didn’t matter. Your feelings. Your opinions. Your beliefs. None of them matters. You act as though you are just a prop, invisible to the naked eye until you make a mistake. That no matter how hard you try to be enough, just barely enough, it never matters.
Because you think to yourself, “If even my parents didn’t want me, who would?”
To the person who always says, “it’s okay”: You are the strongest person that anyone will ever have known, and it’s time to not be okay. It’s time to put a stop to it and voice out. It’s time to let yourself feel like you’re normal.
It’s not going to be okay all the time, but that’s okay. It’s time to be the person in your very own life that matters. It’s time to take care of yourself for a change.