An eating disorder is never easy, so do not let this bring you down or make you feel weak. An eating disorder is not something that you can just walk away from and ignore. You will carry it with you for the rest of your life, and need to learn to hold the pressure.
First, you have to accept it. Accept that you are not taking care of yourself. Once you stop denying it, you can start healing, not only physically but mentally. I know that you probably think you are weak, but you are not. You have been strong to hold on this long.
Second, you need to seek help. You’ll think that you will be able to handle it by yourself, but it’s hard. It will be hard to carry the thoughts that are embedded in your mind. It will break you even more to carry those thoughts with you.
I promise you, there will be a day you won’t get on the scale every hour hoping that you lost even an ounce of weight. There will be a day where your clothing attire will be more than sweat shirts and lounge pants because you can’t stand the thought of anything else on your body. There will be a day that someone’s words or opinions won’t tear you down. There will be a day when you open yourself up to people without the fear they will judge you solely on how you look, and if you fit society’s criteria.
There are going to be good days, and bad days. There will be days you wake up without a care in the world and you will enjoy that burger. There will also be days where you just want saltine crackers and water all day.
There will be a day you won’t feel the need to count your calorie intake. They will be a day you won’t have to sneak to the bathroom after a family meal you could not get out of.
There will be a day you won’t have to force a laugh and pretend that everything is okay.
I promise you it will get easier.
I promise you that there is somebody that will listen to you and understand you. I promise they won’t push you away and tell you to “stop being stupid, just eat something.” I promise that they will take it seriously and do whatever needs to be done to make sure that you become healthy again, even if it seems harsh.
I promise they won’t judge you.
I promise they won’t be ashamed of you.
I promise you will learn to love yourself again.
I promise you will get stronger.
I promise you will get through this.
You were put on this earth for a reason. Do not let anybody convince you otherwise. I want you to fight back and prove to yourself that you are more.