The on and off connection went on for months.
I remember cancelling plans for you, not because you said to, but because I thought you were worthy of my time.
I remember skipping afternoon classes just to see you for 5 minutes, not because you told me to, but because I genuinely found interest in you.
I remember not having much gas in my car but still driving to do favors for you, not because you made me do it, but because I sincerely wanted your days to be easier. You were always somewhat stressed or worried about something. You’d offer me money, but most times I wouldn’t take it because I never saw you as someone who owed me materialistic things for the generosity from my heart.
I admired your work ethic. You were a workaholic. You put your family first, and it made me happy because I thought to myself that I had found someone who makes important things a priority. I thought to myself, How manly and attractive.
You were so intelligent. Your thoughts about the universe always amazed me.
The way you were always busy with work or family showed me how responsible of a man you were, and how loving, even if you didn’t want to show it.
You were someone I thought was gonna be in my future.
You told me your past pain, what you liked, what you didn’t like, how shitty or awesome your days were, your future or present goals, how much you loved your family, your favorite hobbies, how you wanted to improve on certain aspects of your life. For some reason I thought I had it all with you because you trusted me that much.
Which led me to trust you.
I told you about childhood traumas and family disasters, what my goals were, past heartbreaks, what I aspired to grow into, what I thought about certain things in the universe.
Damn, I thought we were so good together.
For once, I thought we had finally started to come into agreement that we were meant to be together, because our connection grew stronger and stronger each time we talked and got to know one another.
But little did I know, there was so much beneath what you showed me.
I started to realize that you only took my love in when you needed it to feel good.
I was always genuine with you, only to be left in the cold, always wondering why it had to be me you treated less than the rest, who didn’t even wanna know you deeply.
I would’ve loved you for all your imperfections and more till I realized you became so selfish with my love I offered.
You only wanted my good energy when yours wasn’t feeling right, and then once you had it all, you’d go and tell me you couldn’t be with me.
You left me wondering why I couldn’t be good enough when I gave you more than enough emotionally.
Truth is, just as fast as we connected with each other, we fell off.
I’ll never know why. I’ll never know what I did to deserve so much pain. But I know it made me stronger for whatever new love comes my way.
Thanks for passing by my journey in life.
The pain made me stronger.