If you ask anyone that knows me, they will confirm what I’m about to say: I am the ultimate single girl. Mostly because I’m too picky in absolutely every aspect known to human-kind and also because I like bad boys (admitting is the first step) but essentially because I like being single.
The method of systematic desensitization unexpectedly made me into a very successful dater. Meaning that, I have been on so many bad dates with so many awful men, that by now I don’t even blink when a guy acts like an ass.
Think of it as another one for the bunch being sent to the island of lost men, one way ticket.
C’est la vie.
After four months of intense (maybe too intense, might I add) dating in NYC, I come bearing new and improved techniques that could help you be better at being single.
You can thank me later.
1. Not every date is going to lead to marriage and that’s okay.
A lot of people genuinely don’t like to date, but guess what the only way to find a partner is? Don’t complain about being poor if you’re not willing to work.
Also, I keep hearing people say preposterous things such as: “Why would I date this person if I know I would never marry them?” In my humble opinion, in your early twenties marriage should not be the center of your universe.
With the right person, dating can be fun and uncomplicated, even if you only have four or even just one date. I’ve dated men that I’ve seen literally once because it didn’t work out, but I had such a good time that one date, that they still hold a special place in my heart.
Be grateful for getting a date, some people can’t even get one.
2. Look at dates as more of hanging out than a date.
To me, real dating starts when I know I like you, and that can take me a while to get there, if I ever do. In the beginning, I look at it as more of just hanging out to feel each other out (no pun intended, but if you want to do that that’s cool too). This technique will help you take the pressure off dating and it will return something that I think we often forget that dating is supposed to be: fun.
3. Go out by yourself and have a blast.
One of the best nights in NYC was one night I went to Brandy’s Piano Bar (strongly recommended) by myself and sat quietly in front of the piano sipping vodka tonic, of course. Little did I know I would get free drinks, meet new friends, go to a second bar and meet a very charming and very handsome fellow actor I would never see again.
Number of friends made? Six. Amount of alcohol consumption? Too much. Regrets? None.
4. Online dating
So many people are scared of online dating and I tell everybody the same thing: online dating is a gift from the heavens. Not only do you have a huge array of sexy options, but according to each website you can predict the other person’s intentions.
For example: Tinder is for sex. Okcupid is for dating and sometimes sex. Match.com is for very serious relationships. The list goes on.
As opposed to meeting a person in real life, in which you have to closely observe the other person’s actions and create an hypothesis that can either be proven or disproved.
In conclusion, sometimes online dating is easier.
5. Shake off the bad ones
Bad dates happen, online or not, all we can do is accept and move along.
I have but one recommendation: don’t take shit from anybody. Never, ever, allow yourself to be disrespected in any way, physical or emotional, and even the nicest, most chivalrous guy can turn from prince to ass in 2.5 seconds.
Expect the best but be prepared for the worst.
Set limits and boundaries accordingly.
6. The good ol’ “Zero expectations”.
Like my grandmother says: “You can’t beg for love.”
If there isn’t any love there, don’t look for it, don’t try to recreate it, don’t try to cover it for the both of you; it doesn’t work.
If you text, you text, but as soon as you hit ‘send’, forget about it. Remember you’re the cake in this (and every) situation.
Not everyone is as passionate, intense, and loving as you are. It would be amazing to find someone that is but until that person comes along, some people cant handle the fire.
Patience is your best friend.