If You’re Going To Have A ‘Vacation Fling,’ You Really Need To Read This

image - Flickr / Franca Gimenez
image – Flickr / Franca Gimenez

Like every holiday season, cute boys and girls that live in lands far, far away gravitate back to their hometowns or to exotic locations for the festivities.

Let me start off by saying that I’m not a very avid believer of vacation flings.

Why? Because they’re risky: potentially getting your heart broken for months just for cool make out sessions with a sizzling, six-foot-something boy with a great beard, in an alley behind a church?

Sounds pretty awesome in retrospective, but what if you develop feelings?

For the guy and for the beard… hey, it happened to me.

Did I mention he plays the guitar? Yes, ouch.

However, if you are looking to hook up with someone that you will not bump into at the supermarket next month, this is wonderland.

If you’re lucky, this person’s hometown will be the same as yours, so if he or she is not a complete imbecile (I haven’t been very lucky in this sense, as usual) you will most likely meet with said person more than twice for more make out sessions in cool places.

Now, all of this is assuming you don’t have the same weird magnetism for attracting psychopaths as I do, if you don’t, said person will understand that you would like to continue seeing each other in a casual tone: no complications, no cryptic texting, no playing-hard-to-get.

The other day, I was texting a potential vacation fling to make this holiday season a bit less lonely, and I swear it got to a point where I thought of downloading an Egyptian dictionary on my kindle app.

Honey, you clearly don’t care about how I’m doing during the months we spend in different continents, so do you really think I take you seriously?

Some men should buy their inflated egos a pair of pants, I mean, if it’s going to be present everywhere they go, they should at least buy them something to wear.

Now, let me clarify something: this guy (as is any guy I date) and I have many things in common: similar taste in music and movies and life in general. We could talk for hours and I would not get enough of him, so more than a person I dated and could be dating again, he’s a friend.

In my set of rules this is good vacation flinging [verb], that is, of course, if he wasn’t a sadist that responds my texts when and if he wants to because he needs to have complete control of everything because he feels a lack of control in his personal life (gotta thank my almost-completed psychology degree for that conclusion)

So, the vacation flingers [noun] need to understand the following:

  1. We don’t want to marry you or even have a serious relationship with you, seriously, we would have gone about the situation a lot differently if we wanted that.
  2. We understand basic geography and the concept of time.
  3. Vacations have an expiration date, if you act hard-to-get for too long, we will move on to the next victim, I mean person.
  4. We know you have an expiration date
  5. Stop being a jerk, it’s not cute and there is no time for that between family reunions and gift shopping.

You, reading this, need to understand or remember the following:

  1. You shouldn’t want to marry this person or have a serious relationship, just because this person lives in a different place as you, I don’t believe in long-distance relationships. I have my reasons.
  2. You should take a look at a map to freshen yourself up on basic geography, and a good idea to shake off the romance out of you, would be to check for flight prices from wherever you live to wherever the other person lives. You’re welcome.
  3. Under any circumstances, do not chase this person. It’s not worth your time and energy, and you shouldn’t really value too much someone who needs to constantly be chased in order to feel special, vacation fling or not, just saying.
  4. Remember this person will expire one day, meaning one day you will have to say good-bye and suck it up.
  5. Do not tolerate a person that continually acts like they have something stuck in the butt. This is a vacation, you are supposed to have fun and be carefree. Don’t ever let anyone invade your peace of mind; it is the most valuable thing we can possess. TC mark

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