It has been a few months since the passing of my beloved grandparents. And while life goes on, I have never been able to pen down my thoughts or feelings about their death. No words I felt could fully justify the emotions conjured up within me as I slowly grasped the entirely new concept of loss. That feeling was one I’ve never felt before.
However, moving on took time, and while I am still in the process, I have contemplated about their lives and how it had impacted mine in several ways, my relationships being one of them.
Having grown up with my grandparents, I realized I was fortunate enough to have experienced unconditional love through them. Despite all the ruckus and trouble I caused growing up, they loved me through and through. When I decided to further my studies overseas at 19, as much as they couldn’t bear to see me leave, they said that I had their unwavering support. A young girl setting foot into a relentless world—god knows how worried they were for me. But they let me chase my dreams.
I recall vividly that, as a young girl, my mum decided to send me to an after-school daycare so we didn’t have to trouble my grandparents. I never went back after, because my grandparents could not bear to see me in the care of others and would rather sacrifice the luxury of their time for me.
As I grew older and began to experience love and eventually heartbreaks of my own, I realized that maybe, just maybe, this is what love is.
Love is when you give without expectations or seeking anything in return. Love is about respecting choices but still being with them every step of the way. It is about being the silent cheerleader through every triumph and always having your arms wide open in times of despair.
And as cliché as this may sound, it is about letting go. Letting go even if it kills you on the inside. Love isn’t loud or boastful. It is kept deeply in the recesses of your heart (and it doesn’t have to come from a man).
I dare not say that I have at this point fully comprehended the definition of what love is. It is a subject that runs too deep for one’s comprehension, and probably one that I will continue to question till the end of my days.
However, what I do know is it is through their love for me that I am slowly learning to let go. That I open my eyes every morning and feel at peace because I know that they are in a better place. It is the reason I am now grateful for a new day, because every day is a new chance to love others the way they have loved me. And It is the reason I have now learned to love humbly and quietly in my own little ways.