A Letter To The Last Person I Kissed

man and woman sitting and kissing on post near the body of water
Kinga Cichewicz / Unsplash

You were there for me when I was the most vulnerable. When he decided to walk away, you convinced me that it was his loss, that even though he was your friend, I deserved better. I found comfort in your words and in your constant attention. I remember I felt at ease knowing that I had someone else to lean on during the terrible aftertaste of heartbreak. You found a way to crawl into my life and became the friend I so desperately needed.

We started seeing each other more and we never went a day without talking. Our conversations starting drifting away from him and more towards us. You pretended to care about my writing, my family, my interests. You introduced me to some dangerous habits, you being the most dangerous of them all. I was constantly high on a simple illusion.

As days went by, we got more comfortable with each other. But I started to feel the tension build up, and you wanted more. You would stand closer to me and you would stare at my lips while you laughed. You knew my heart was still his, but you also knew I desperately needed a distraction.

When you kissed me for the first time, I tried to stop it, but it was too late. It felt like I had tried the most addicting drug. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t stop. You told me that ever since you met me, you couldn’t stop thinking about my lips. You had a way with words, just like the rest.

You would make me forget about him, you even got me thinking that maybe, just maybe, you were the person I was meant to be with all along. But as time went on, your words became less sweet and your grip got stronger. Our lips were no longer in sync, but instead it felt like a tug of war, one that I would always lose.

I could feel your body asking for more whenever you touched my skin. When I decided to wake up from that daze you had me in, I was able to see the hunger in your eyes whenever you would look at me. The animal in you stripping away the human left.

And that’s when I remembered you were not him, when I realized there was never a drop of love in your intentions, just pure lust. You were just someone who looked for an opportunity and went for it, someone who took advantage of the “broken” girl. You weren’t used of being told no, though, so when I refused to take it further, that’s when you decided to cut the act. That’s when you decided to go back to just being my ex’s friend. I was just a vessel for your own pleasure. TC mark

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