I’m sorry, but he won’t change. Every time you try to fix him, you hurt yourself. Every time you think it will be different, odds are, it won’t. If it was going to be different, you wouldn’t still be wondering why it isn’t yet.
I’m sorry, but you need to stop expecting anything less than disappointment. When someone has shown you time and time again they’re going to hurt you, believe them. He showed you what he’s capable of. He showed you who he is. I know you like to see the best in people. You see the glass half full, but sometimes, you need to see things for what they are. Sometimes you need to take people for what they are instead of their potential. Take them for the disappointments, the hurt. That speaks volumes. It’s hard for you to see it, but it speaks volumes over the little bit of hope that you’re hanging onto.
I’m sorry, but you can’t depend on them to care for your soul. You can’t depend on them to take care of you. Most of all, you just can’t depend on them to not hurt you. Believe what you see. Respect what you’ve felt. Stop making the same decisions expecting a different outcome.
I’m not sorry, and I want you to know his actions have nothing to do with you. I know you internalize them like it means something about you. You take them personally, as if his own character flaws say something about you. If you did this or that more often, he wouldn’t act that way, right? Wrong. He won’t change, he won’t be different, and no, it isn’t because of you. It has the least to do with you and all to do with him.
So next time you’re wondering why you feel the same disappointment, just remember: his own flaws have nothing to do with you and all to do with how underdeveloped as a human he is.
I’m sorry to you, most of all.
I’m sorry you said it was okay so many times. I’m sorry you allowed yourself to believe in things that you knew deep down were never going to happen. I’m sorry you couldn’t depend on yourself to protect yourself.
You don’t deserve that shit. Toxic people are toxic people. And they will fucking hurt you any way they can, subconsciously, no matter how amazing you are. Choose you. Don’t make yourself sorry for yourself again.