Sometimes, your brain becomes so inextricably intertwined with your heart that a strange but common occurrence may take place. It becomes possible to fail to realize the relationship you’ve been fostering for the past 6, 8, what have you, months, is the same relationship that is going to be the eventual demise of your confidence and sanity… At least temporarily.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “This chick sounds nuts, or at the very least emotionally damaged.” While both of these may very well be true, (who isn’t emotionally damaged these days, seriously) sometimes we’re so caught up in the glitter and glamour of a relationship that we don’t realize just how detrimental it truly is. My only advice to my fellow luckless readers is to look for the signs, and get out while you still can.
1. Constant worries.
If you find yourself constantly racked with worries, always wondering what your other half is doing, where they’re going, and who they’re seeing behind your back, there is clearly something lacking in your relationship. Could it be.. oh ya, trust? Its the foundation of every relationship, from friendship to romance, and If you don’t have it, your relationship is doomed from the get-go.The minute you become the girl sitting at home on a Friday night alone, wondering what your significant other is up too to the point of self induced insanity i.e. essentially becoming the star of a Taylor Swift music video, it’s time to call your relationship quits. Which brings me to my next point.
2. Losing control
Worrying and wondering about your partner is bad, but I think having someone try to control your life can easily be categorized as worst possible scenario material, and also the ultimate turn off. I’ve seen this happen to friends of mine, their “soul mate,” controls the who, what, when, wheres, along with the majority of the other aspects of their life. Make sacrifices for the ones you love, but don’t give in too the pressure to let go of your life just to be a part of theirs.
3. Always B the Queen.
If they’re making you feel like anything less than Beyonce, just remember, in the wise words of our gracious and all knowing Queen B, he’s not irreplaceable. Learn from the mistakes of the many women before you, If someone is making you feel anything short of fabulous, cut the cord. To the left, to the left….
4. Constantly forgiving.
Ah yes, the forgiver. Doomed to easily cave in to anyone who shows up with a semi-sincere apology and some cheap discount flowers. Let me break it down for you, nice and simple: Boy hurts girl, “We’re DONE,” shouts girl, two hours later, boy shows up with the most innocent of eyes and utmost apologetic of lines, and BAM, back together.
If you’ve fallen into this cycle, please do me, yourself, and whatever dignity you have left a favor and stop being such a god damn push over. I know how hard it can be, I too have been there. Once a guy threw me off his bed, onto the hardwood floor, poured a bottle of ice water over my head and then proceeded to lock me out of his room, and as much as I’m cringing typing this, I STILL let him back into my life. Eventually you have to realize that you shouldn’t have to keep forgiving the same person for their stupidity, no matter how much they beg and plead, walk away.
5. The opposite of OK, cupid.
Any relationship that sprouted from Tinder, Grindr, etc etc. These apps are meant for you to find someone to hookup with, not have a loving, healthy relationship with. Although for that 0.01 percent that have had a relationship arise from any of these increasingly popular platforms that they claim is perfect and ideal, for the majority of the population, this will not be the case. I whole-heartedly believe this should be written in bold on the website as disclaimer: “*CAUTION* This site should only be used for the purpose of finding someone to fuck, a one night stand, or anything of a similar nature. We are not liable for any detrimental relationships that may take place.” They’d save a lot of hopeless romantics their time.
6. Love vs Passion
Some tend to blame this on the male ego (a complex which I’ve never fully grasped) and how many men are threatened by a strong, dominant, female in her element. But if there are any words other than those of encouragement and congratulations coming from your other half in regards to your work, chances are they aren’t the best fit for you, especially if you plan on continuing to strive for success. In the war between love and career, i think Lady Gaga answers this age old dilemma the best, “Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.
7. A walking paradox.
Lastly, someone that loves you should not make you constantly miserable. Love does not, and should not, ever equate to relentless misery. Again, as catchy as some of her lyrics may be, you are not living out a T-Swift music video. The person that claims to care for you unconditionally, intrinsically, and inherently, should not be the source of your perpetual sorrow. End of story.
These signs at times may be hard to swallow, especially when you think your head over heels in love. I get it, When you reach a certain age, people start looking at relationships as the be-all end-all, the prospect of being alone sucks, and dating, that kind of blows too. But if you ever find yourself in a toxic environment being bogged down by inhibitions stemming from your relationship, take a deep breathe, and remember, you have to do whats best for you. At the end of the day we’re all closet narcissists, and in the long run, YOU are the most important aspect of your life. If you need a little courage, just remember these wise words of the infamous Brit Kate Nash, “Wake up every morning and tell yourself that you’re a badass bitch from hell and that no one can fuck with you and then don’t let anybody fuck with you.”