1. Freckles… Lot’s of freckles.
2. You have pale or as the ever-tactful beauty industry calls it “fair” skin.
3. Tanning is pretty much impossible. Occasionally, the jealousy of your tanning capable friends drives you to expose your skin sunscreen-free to the UV rays raining down from the shinning sun above. Sadly, your gallant attempt will probably result in a painful, glow-in-the-dark-lobster-red sunburn. Your life for the next week or so will involve lots of aloe, the shortest showers of your life, tears, and disgusting reptilesque peeling. All this pain and suffering so you can enjoy a slight shadow of a tan and/or the joys of having a cancerous mole removed.
4. You have a lot family.
5. Mostly likely, either your name or someone in your family is named Ryan, Patrick, Sean, Shamus, Connor, Dylan, Robert aka Bobby, Liam, Brian, Erin, Colleen, Kelly, Katie, Megan, Caitlin (including all various spellings), Siobhan, or Madison.
6. Your family displays affection for each other by teasing and ragging on each other… constantly. Before inviting a friend or significant other to meet your family you need to do a little prep work with them.
7. You take offensive to Irish potato jokes. But seriously, you love potatoes.
8. You know it’s ST. PADDY’S not ST. PATTY’S.
9. You disagree with “Everybody’s Irish on St. Patrick’s day!” When you hear someone who is obviously not Irish try to be funny and claim that they are you want to say, “C‘mon buddy, neither one of us is Irish. But at least my ancestors were from there!” But let us remember that the Irish are the only culture awesome enough to have a holiday that is recognized and celebrated all around the world. We honor of the traditions of a foreign country (unless you’re in Ireland of course) with festivals, parades and excessive amounts of green. It’s a bit weird when you think about it. But mostly badass. So, go ahead fibbers! Pretend to be cool enough to be Irish for a day!