There’s a silence of being alone. It’s filled with noise, a noise of you screaming and pulling on your hair. This silence, wanting to eat you up from the inside, is succeeding somehow. Because you can’t stop it, you try but you just can’t seem to. God knows, you really want to. It’s like the universe wants you to self-destruct.
These noises, they come from your insecurities, your sadness, your loneliness. They come from your aching heart. “Don’t try to hog loneliness and keep it all to yourself. Share it with a special someone.”- goes one of my favorite quotes. But what if you haven’t found anybody worthy enough to share your loneliness with? You value your thoughts too much. Is it a bad thing? You just can’t seem to open your mouth and say something about these noises. What if the words come to your mouth but you just choke on them? What if you’re just scared? Thinking not again. Because the hurt is too much. The hurt of not being understood. The pain of rejection. So the noises come out taunting you. “How can you be so stupid, so useless, so.. numb?”
It doesn’t matter if you have a lot of friends, or a loving family. Sometimes, they just can’t understand and then one day you quit trying to make them understand. You close the gates to your heart. You think, maybe something really is wrong with me. Then the noises come out, again, taunting you. “What in the heavens is wrong with you?”
There comes a time finally, when the noises get so loud that they become ultrasonic and then it’s just radio silence. You’re stuck in your own silent hell. What do you do then?