Don’t listen to your heart.
No, really, that’s all it takes. Don’t listen to your heart or your instincts, and you’re sure to fuck it all up, every time.
Oh, you were expecting more? All right.
Follow bad advice. This is especially effective if it’s bad advice from someone who doesn’t know you very well. Bonus points if this bad advice from someone who doesn’t know you very well is about a job in an industry they know nothing about. That’ll fuck things right up.
When you’re not sure where your heart or instincts are leading you, allow other people to pressure you into decisions you’re not ready to make. Nothing turns into a mess like making a hasty not-at-all-thought-out life decision.
Imitate someone else. Plagiarism is a part of this: Plagiarize and be damned. But also, subsume your voice for someone else’s voice, your art for someone else’s art, your life for someone else’s life. Good, we’re really fucking thing up now.
Stay comfortable. Don’t take any risks, ever, just stay where you’re at, doing the same thing you’ve always done. Shoot me an email with your list of regrets in ten years. (Or whatever method of communication is cool in 2024. Or were you too comfortable to leave Gmail? Well played.)