Most can say they’ve been in a romantic relationship. Majority can claim they were a boyfriend, girlfriend, or something-friend at one point in their lives.
But, what about those so-called “late bloomers” that have never experienced a serious bond? Not necessarily those who struggle to commit unless only to the “playa” label, but those who really put themselves out there and haven’t had much luck reciprocated their way?
Maybe they’ve experimented with an online relationship, dating someone who affectionately awarded them with the label of “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” – but they only actually saw each other twice in person and kissed once, so the title misrepresented what actually was? Or perhaps they were “seeing someone” and almost dated them, fulfilling every expectation of a relationship but without a consented classification as to what the relationship was literally called?
Just like job-hunting, dating is like a catch-22. It’s hard to get experience without experience. Unless consulting your “references” of social media and word-of-mouth, it may be easier to lie and allege you’ve been involved in a relationship to your potential suitor in hopes of not being found out or casted a “red flag”. On one hand this only builds a foundation of deception; on the other, it’s understandable these measures be taken to sabotage any chance of being treated like the plague.
Aside from the movies and their respective titles, a 25-year-old woman who’s Never Been Kissed can probably acquire similar levels of discrimination as the male 40-Year-Old Virgin. While waiting for marriage as a woman can judgmentally be perceived as romanticized and proper, remaining abstinent as a man may be coined as pathetic and odd.
Either way, we can all struggle with circumstances that impede or delay us from participating in these relationships. Whether it be blamed on ourselves or just our life situations, here are a few reasons as to why one may be chronically or permanently single.
1. School Status
Some say high school mark the best years of your life. Others say it doesn’t determine all you are. Few may envision where you sit in the cafeteria synonymous to a metaphor as to who you sit with at the table of life. It turns out, all of those statements carry some validity. Many celebrities were awkward, gawky adolescents – outcasts who were bullied or misunderstood. But what made them different and unique led them on their paths to where they are today. Now they’re comfortable, embracing and accentuating those very quirks as the sexiest, best versions of themselves! Think Megan Fox and Chad Michael Murray.
However, some Average Joes and Plain Janes may still battle with those same demons as adults. Perhaps they didn’t meet the right “friends” or have friends at all. So with a lack of learned confidence or support system of connections, they didn’t know many who could help them network for possible employment opportunities, other friends or objects of attraction. So to speak again, job-hunting is like dating in that sense too. It’s all about who you know, and unfortunately – if you don’t know anyone, this makes it all that much harder for you.
At the risk of sounding bitter – the pretty, popular, rich kids may effortlessly succeed as adults; because they attract and maintain the same interactions with people they already know who know other beautiful, affluent, well-connected individuals. C’est la vie. All you can do is work with what you have, and maybe attempt a hobby or activity of some sort.
Or you can work…
Some believe college is better than high school, because you open access to introducing even more people to your circle and develop your independence as adults. But with the social skills of studying hard and partying even harder, there’s more to it than mastering the equilibrium of books and booze.
If you’re completing a degree in a field where you only meet the predominant gender interested in that specific career, it can – uh – definitely limit your options. At the risk of sounding sexist, some industries appeal specifically to males or females. If you’re a woman studying Early Childhood Education, chances are you’ll only meet women. Unless you’re interested in women or you meet men through those women, chances are you won’t find your future husband working in a daycare. I may be wrong about this, but the odds are highly unlikely – unless some hot Mike Delfino doppleganger walks in to pick up his kid and divorces his wife. Then maybe…
Let’s not forget when and if you’re actually working. They say vast collaborate with their co-workers in the workplace, but then this leads to the issues with professional-turned-personal relationships. Not to mention, some are involved in occupations with heavy workloads or irregular hours where it’s almost impossible to meet their soulmates. Think police officer, journalist, etc. What if you’re self-employed and working from home, or running about? Unemployed and job-hunting, sitting in front of the couch or reconnecting with friends? A stay-at-home single mother? Employed at the family business (few potential candidates there)? How does work affect your plight of being relentlessly single? How is job-hunting like dating a catch-22 here?
3. Friends, Family & The Stigma
In other words, everyone tries to set you up with their friend’s friend’s friend – either that, or they’re up your ass about being solo! Maybe you derive from a devout culture who doesn’t approve of casual dating, or perhaps you’re stuck in the neverending cycle of being paired up with the residual single friend in a large social gathering. Blind group dates. ‘Nuff said. Next!
4. Meeting People At The Bar, Club, Etc.
Yes, you may run into someone you know and hope they’re still normal. But factor in rampant alcohol, loud music, unexpected grazing – and do they even remember you? Can you even carry a conversation with them, let alone marry them? Moving on…
5. Online Dating/Dating Apps
Whether the preference of Tinder now may make dating sites appear more selective or uncommon, you have to wonder if the online trolls, perverts and liars are all worth it.
Now, here are some psychological causes of singledom…
6. Your “Differences”
What makes you different makes you beautiful. Unfortunately, too many people are idiots and don’t see things that way. Nowadays, it’s difficult NOT being a “stick figure, silicone barbie doll” who plays hard to get or does anything to get what she wants. But, you’re you and you can’t NOT be you. #plusyoureallaboutthatbass
7. Not “Playing The Game”
Again, you may have to practice the art of playing coyly enough to still be interested and respond – but not too eager to the point where you’re responding a minute after every single reply, even though they can send double texts whenever they want without the bat of an eye or the thought of #judgingyou. Because the ball’s totally in your court. You’re in control. #AmIRight?
8. Being “Picky”, Often Misconstrued As Fear of Commitment – Or Vice Versa
It’s not that we can’t dedicate ourselves to years of being with one person, as we can to one hour of cardio. We just can’t stomach settling for someone who we can’t kiss, speak to or even look at – because what are standards?
9. Putting Your Best Foot Forward
Maybe the roles should be reversed, and you should rise up to the expectations you have for other people. You know – put some lipstick on, wash your hair, put pants on. #NO
10. Or You Just Haven’t Found The Right Person Yet
Michael Buble sang it best. “I guess it’s half timing and the other half’s luck”. Well, that’s truth.