How To Know If You’re The Side Chick

Shutterstock / wavebreakmedia
Shutterstock / wavebreakmedia

You pick up another chick right after seeing the other chick you’re supposedly dating, who you also met with the other girl you were technically seeing. But that’s none of my business. *Drinks tea :)

A self-made meme, it mimics the famous frog sippin’ his cup and proclaiming the ugly truth that is today’s reality: almost-relationships and the hookup/dating phenomenon. That is, the excess of sex makes you question whether you’re fooling around or dating – as if they’re one in the same.

How can someone ever confuse a merely physical interaction with an overall physical, emotional and other combined connection – you ask? Well, how could you not? How could you get any more intimate than, well, doing the deed on a consistent basis?

I could go on and on about almost-relationships: how one person could declare texting someone all day er’day, seeing them multiple times a week, going out on dates, being out alone and with others in public, involuntarily introducing them to family and friends, and – of course – fooling around “seeing each other”? Ironically, to some, they will minimize until they’re blue in the face and insist you’re just “spending time with them” or “having fun”.

To each his own, but really, all this perpetuates is the lack of responsibility either or both parties will consent to for the others’ feelings or for their “faithfulness” to the so-called relationship. Now, this is when we ask ourselves: if there’s such a thing as an almost-relationship, is there such thing as almost-cheating – an almost-sidechick or an almost main chick? If there are, how do we define them?

Well, in order to denote these terms, we must strip them to their initial roots. There are so many different types of relationships: friendships, partnerships or even the relationships/connections between two ideas. Now, how about cheating? Infidelity? Well, infidelity more specifically refers to the affair that may occur between a man and someone other than his wife – sexual relations, so to speak. Cheating, however, offers a more broad definition; with one key word being most prevalent and also tying into this argument as a whole: dishonesty.

In other words, engaging in these “relations” on a consistent basis can facilitate some form of “relationship” – even if it’s the “casual” kind. While the issue in how each party defines their relationship is subjective and can differ, the emotional truth that exists in how either party feels is there – and is very real. So if it feels like cheating, it definitely can be cheating. Also – if both parties don’t agree to an “open relationship” and one hides or deceives in regards to another party ie. sidechick, that’s when the “dishonesty” of cheating comes into play.

However, when particularly playing the so-called game of dating, what is considered cheating? Is suddenly moving into kiss someone while comforting them during a vulnerable time – cheating? Is kissing someone drunk – cheating? How about touching them constantly at a bar? Or delivering flirtatious advances with and without innuendo?

Texting, going out to coffee without your other “partner” knowing, dancing with them at a club, frequenting the gentlemen’s lounge? Because of technology and social media; not only are there so many more opportunities to cheat, but more options, more people and more “fine lines” of means to cheat, not-cheat or kinda-cheat…

…Which leads to the next point. If we all uphold our own opinions as to what’s cheating – even just in a traditionally romantic relationship – how do we define cheating and almost-cheating in an almost-relationship or non-relationship? What’s a side chick, and what’s a main chick?

We can all agree that the main chick is the selected partner or perhaps the only object of a person’s affection/pursuit; whereas the side chick is either a “mistress” or just one of the many convenient options for a single man – hence boasting multiple “side chicks” simultaneously.

In a situation where a guy is dealing/seeing (but not exclusively dating) his “main chick” and then fornicating/sexting the “side chick”, is he cheating on his “main chick”? Is the “side chick” a mistress?

How about if it’s the other way around? What if you think you’re the “main chick”, and you are essentially seeing or dating this guy – but it’s unofficial? Then he decides to declare it otherwise or asks permission to pick up another girl at the bar and then hooks up with that girl in front of you? All of a sudden, they’re dating, and the cycle repeats.

Only they’re not exclusive, but he reveals his alleged feelings and then hits on another girl in the process? Were you ever the “main chick” or girlfriend? Did he cheat on you? Or is he just a dog? Most importantly, if he didn’t cheat on you, why does it feel like it?

All in all, being in an almost-relationship and being almost-cheated on, or being an almost-sidechick or almost-mainchick doesn’t constitute being almost-hurt but being hurt even more than you know, because it turns out the “relationship” was just a lie. So, please be courteous. We’re not almost-crazy for feeling this way, because we gave this our all – no half-ways, no almosts – and our feelings shouldn’t be treated any less. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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