1. Carry Out – Timbaland feat. Justin Timberlake
While the title isn’t self-explanatory, the rest of the lyrics are a different story. Here, JT promises he’ll “have you open all night like you like I.H.O.P.” (clever subliminal advertising here or…?) and believes “you got your own recipe.” Whether you find his analogies comparing a certain lady to a “drive-thru” flattering or offensive, one thing’s for sure: many would agree with Justin’s confidence in being “well-seasoned” and therefore wouldn’t mind if he sang this to us while we worked at Mickey D’s. Next!
2. Lollipop – Lil Wayne feat. Static
While JT’s musical rendition of a pickup line gone wrong may only be explicit for those who can put the pieces together, Lil Wayne gets very specific with his “demands” from the very beginning. Here, he proclaims “he’s so sweet (he’ll) “make her wanna lick the rapper (“rapper,” not “wrapper – take note) and begs (insert hypothetical vid vixen) to “lick it like a lollipop”). Let’s not forget to indicate Lil Wayne’s flamboyant usage of onamateopea; emulating sounds like “burp burp” and “shczerp shczerp,” which he oh-so-immaculately accepts as opportunities to detail his censored reactions to women’s bodies. But of course, you guys! He’s singing about licking lollipops. Getcha minds out of the gutter! Geez…
3. How Low – Ludacris
All sorts of feels this song gives me! Of course, in majority of these pieces, food converts into this metaphorical entity synonymous to sex. Yet everytime I hear the words to Luda’s “How Lo,” I can’t help myself. Especially when he says he “like that French vanilla and the caramel,” but I most relate to “when it comes to chocolate and peanut butter cups like Reese’s Pieces.” All the more resembles my mixed emotions at the grocery store. The decisions of life…
4. Milkshake – Kelis
Thanks to movies like Mean Girls, this song (NOT) about a “Milkshake” has become a medium of legendary cultural significance. Make what you want with the lyrics “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard” and “just get the perfect blend.”
5. Candy – Mandy Moore
Portrayed in the music video and lyrics, then 15-year-old Mandy Moore’s debut single “Candy” tells the tale of a girl’s infatuation with a guy and, of course, being compared to the sweet decadence of candy. Mandy literally follows the footsteps of her “Candy Crush” (See what I did there? Cultural references, people) and sugarcoats her attraction as if it were in a drug, but in a totally cutesy but not Facebook-stalkerish way. Refer to lyrics: “I’m so addicted to the loving that you’re feeding to me” and “Body’s in withdrawal, every time you take it away.” Aside from the ever-so-adorable “Sweet to me, like sugar to my heart. I’m craving for you, I’m missing you like candy,” lyrics like “sweet sweet loving; Let me show what I’m made of” are a bit suggestive for a precocious teen to sing. But, that’s a different matter entirely…
6. Birthday Cake – Rihanna feat. Chris Brown
While this pair leaves a bad taste in my mouth (no pun intended), I do admit I like this song – as provocative as it may be (and we all know it is). Here, Rihanna and Chris Brown cut to the chase (and cut the cake)…”It’s not even my birthday, But he wanna lick the icing off. Can’t wait to blow my candles out.” I’ll never think of cake the same way again…
7. Peaches & Cream – 112
If you’re a fan of 90s R&B groups, then you’re totally starving for this trip down memory lane. 112’s “Peaches and Cream” implies as much as many of our other nominees – yet somehow we find it much classier than the rest. “Peaches and cream…It’s even better when it’s with ice cream, know what I mean?” (We know what you mean). How about: “Like peach cobbler in my stomach, when I eat it up?” ‘Nuff said…
8. Candy Shop – 50 Cent feat. Olivia
If you’re yearning for a more recent retro, then take a bite out of Fiddy Cent’s “Candy Shop” – which consists of the songs from Lil Wayne, Rihanna, and 112 – all rolled up into one candy store (song) stop. “I’ll take you to the candy shop, I’ll let you lick the lollipop, keep going ’til you hit the spot, boy one taste of what I got.” See, what did I tell you?
9. Red Red Wine – UB40
A (literally) refreshing break from the solid delicacies of our previous contenders, this tune serenades about the liquid sedative we have all come to love (ahem, red wine) – plus it’s a classic! Much like the effect of red wine, UB40 (wants to) forget – but about a past loved one: “Red, red wine. Go to my head, make me forget that I still need her so…” and “Just one thing makes me forget.” He also compares red wine to love and how it makes him feel “fine”: “I feel a million dollars, when you’re just in my hand.” Nowadays, people would twist the last few words into something completely important #keepitclassy.
10. Gin & Juice – Snoop Dogg
Another oldie (but probably more “profane” than our previous candidate), “Gin & Juice” expresses a musical story told and performed by Snoop Dogg (actually, when he was still called “Snoop Doggy Dogg.” Those were the days…) While arised was an utter about “bubblegum” and Snoop Dogg’s reiteration on his “hard” life as a rapper – where he “got bitches in the living room gettin it on” (I guess rap hasn’t changed that much) – the only delicious lyric in this track is in the chorus: “sippin on gin and juice.” The rest I can’t really decipher…