I’ve grown up with divorced parents since day one except they weren’t legally divorced and we all lived under one roof together. You love differently when you grow up with divorced parents. Your ability to form relationships differs from others. You have a hard time knowing how to maintain relationships and dealing with arguments when problems arise. You subconsciously act the way your parents did in their toxic relationship.
You weren’t given the right example on what a healthy relationship actually was. You mislabeled the abusive behaviors as okay. Your ability to form relationships was very limited. You often got in trouble for friendship dramas throughout your first few years of school. You didn’t understand why though. With what society deemed as bullying and abusive you thought was “normal”. Your relationships and friendships often lacked trust and vulnerability. And people didn’t understand that.
Many mistook your cold and harsh facade as a bitter and horrible person. Little did they know underneath that wall of coldness was a vulnerable being. They didn’t understand the depths of your hurt. They didn’t understand how hard it was for you to truly trust, love and expose vulnerabilities. The times you witnessed how cruel and violent your parents’ relationship was just made you stray afar from building strong and meaningful relationships of your own.
You feared relationships.
You feared putting yourself out there. You feared the risk of a broken heart. You made friendships but they barely made it to anything much more than that. You feared letting them in, keeping them at arm’s length.
And to this day, you’re still learning. You’re slowly coming out of the shell you’ve spent years hiding in. Your ability to form friendships and relationships still aren’t top notch but you’re learning as you go along. You’ll get there. You’re learning that it’s okay to put yourself out there and come back with a slightly dented heart. This is because at the end of the day, relationships aren’t there to define your worth and value.
Relationships aren’t there to validate your greatness. It’s okay if you trusted someone and it didn’t work out. It’s okay that relationship or friendship ended. Sometimes God just felt like things had to be that way, in order to have the best for you. And believe that one day, you’ll love forming connections not afraid of rejection.