Congratulations! If you are reading this then that must mean that you too, are a human being. So, I want you to listen to what I have to say, because I think it’s important.
As I’m writing this, I’m eating my second bowl of oatmeal for the day. I opted for the second bowl of oatmeal because I’m too tired and cold to leave my apartment to get ice cream. And even if I did get so far as to make it to the supermarket, my card would’ve been declined regardless because I’m very poor.
Despite this, I’m a happy person I’d say. Although I’m not particularly filled with an overbearing amount of happiness as of this moment, that is not to say that I’m not content with the life I am living.
Perhaps, when I wake up tomorrow my mood will change. Maybe an intense amount of dread or anxiety will suddenly hit me because I procrastinated to study for finals? Maybe I’ll hate myself in the morning for eating through my supply of oatmeal? If it rains, I might turn into a self proclaimed philosophical genius and start pondering our metaphysical existence whilst listening to Mad World by Gary Jules.
Other days I hate myself. Yeah, sometimes I really hate myself.
Sometimes I wake up and I hate the fact that I can’t make it to anything on time, no matter how hard I try. Sometimes I hate the fact that replying to text messages makes me feel anxious and I put it off replying for so long that all my friends begin to hate me. Sometimes I hate the fact that I can’t sit down and enjoy ice cream without loathing myself for it. Sometimes I hate the fact that I don’t think I’m good enough for the goals I’ve set for myself.
So… I think what I’m trying to say is… Sometimes I hate myself because I’m human.
Humans can be sad, they can be really sad. And then they can be happy, they can be really happy. Humans get hurt, but humans can heal. Humans fuck up, but the best humans do what they can to fix things.
We’re all the same.
At our core, we are the same. (To be honest, even though I know everyone feels like this, it still doesn’t make it any easier to write about it.)
Although, we find ourselves leading different paths in life, we all desire the same thing. Happiness, achievement, love, companionship. And we all fear the same things. Failure, isolation, death. Despite whether one passions dance and another passions mathematics, we all have the same goals in life.
I think that’s why, at times, we feel so alone in this world. Because we forget that everyone is essentially the same. We tell ourselves that we are the only ones who struggle. The only ones who sometimes view the world with a bleak perspective. That the pain we feel, is unmatched. But that’s not true, and I wish we could all finally realize this.
So here’s the truth of it all.
When you do things for yourself, you’re doing things for others. You’re dealing with life by loving who you are, and accepting your selfishness. Coping with who you are and understanding who you are. Thus, showing others to do the same. Once we realize who we are and what we are, we will feel less alone, because then we’ll know that we are all the same.
You start to understand that there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re supposed to feel all of the above. You’re supposed to feel dread and anxiety and self-loathe. You’re far from normal, if normal is even a thing.
You’re the way you’re supposed to be.
I feel that way and you do too and maybe we can start to understand where people are coming from. To understand that we all mess up and we all feel anxiety and sometimes the rain makes us sad and we all need to cope. Then we can all feel less alone.
You’re human and you’re fucked up and that’s okay.