1. Not everyone is going to love me. I think I knew this before but what I learned was that I’m actually okay with it now.
2. I’m younger than I think. Lately, a constant thought I’ve had on my mind is how old I’m getting and what little time I have left to make it as a comedy writer. I look to all the people I idolize and see how far they made it by the time they were my age. Sadly, I can’t help but think about how behind I am. I compare myself to the likes of these successful people and constantly put myself down. I eventually realized how young 19 is and how much can change in a year if I set my mind to it. 365 days is a lot to make something happen.
3. Time moves fast if you let it. I never say “I can’t wait-” because I can wait and if life consists of waiting for the next thing to happen, one never lives in the moment, one is always looking ahead, hoping for tomorrow and not acting on today. As a result, time does exactly what you wanted it to do, it passes by, faster and faster. You said you didn’t want to wait and as a result life didn’t wait for you.
4. I’ve wasted too much time on technology. Using my phone to pass the time became second nature. If I had 30 minutes to kill and nothing to do, I would pull my phone out and waste away on social media. Managing how many likes I had received on some insignificant post.
One day, I was sitting on my phone when I suddenly realized that I had been on social media for an hour. An hour of my life had flown by and I spent it on nonsense. Then I thought to myself. How many hours of my life have I spent on my phone in total? Those precious hours build up and I ponder what other things I could have done with that lost time? It sickened me to think that I could’ve finished several books by now, or even used that time to write, or teach myself guitar (like I promised myself I would).
5. I love reading. I’ve always enjoyed reading but it’s gotten to a point where I trade in midnight Netflix for a book instead… Sometimes I miss assignments. It’s somewhat of a problem.
6. I truly understand the quote “I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.” I thought I understood it before, but now I really get it.
7. I’m satisfied being single. So much of us are obsessed with being in a relationship. Jumping from ship to ship, afraid of floating alone. I used to be like this. I was obsessed with being with someone I forgot how amazing it is to just be with you. If someone comes along, I’m fine with that. If that someone takes a while to find me, that’s fine too, I’ve got a lot of reading to catch up on anyway.
8. I’m in love with myself. I wake up everyday and can’t help at smile at who I am. I’m confident in myself physically and in myself emotionally. That is something I had a hard time doing all my life.
9. I want to be there for people. I was only ever concerned with my affairs and my life, neglecting those around me and what they were going through. My ignorance may have already costed me several friendships but I know now that I want to be there for the right people.
10. Let things go. It’s hard for me to live with hate. It’s a paralyzing thing and it stunts my growth and prohibits me from being happy. Why waste my time with hating others? Why waste my time holding on to such a thing? I feel free letting go of these things and it allows me to mentally open up more space to other things.
11. I enjoy old rap. I used to stand by the belief that all rap was crap but I had a revelation whilst listening to “Bust a Move” by Young MC. I did like rap, just not today’s rap. I don’t know what that nonsense is.
12. I like dancing with myself. Both literally and metaphorically.
13. I learned how to be honest with myself. The truth about who we are as people can sometimes be scary but by being honest with who we are can help us improve who we are.
14. I need to take more pictures. My memory is trash.
15. I like criticism. It makes me better.
16. Ice cream is good for me. I love ice cream and ice cream loves me. I’m done living a life where I hate myself every time I try to enjoy ice cream.
17. I’m a workaholic. I don’t think it’s a crime to not want to be broke all my life but my workaholic tendencies make me proud. I find myself restless if I’m not doing anything to push my career forward and I’ve never wanted anything more in my life than to be a writer.
18. I love my family. I moved out a year ago. While I love this new found independence I learned that I love and appreciate my family more than I thought I did. They drive me insane still, but they are always there for me whenever I need them to be.
19. I’m ready for twenty. We always look at growing older as a negative thing. Even as a teenager, aging horrified me. One day you’re 19, and the next your 60. That’s what all the adults say anyway. I realized that with age comes new opportunities. New adventures. More knowledge. More changes.
Aging breaks whatever cycle we find that we have fallen into because we are reminded that life is always changing, it is not a linear thing. There will be twists and turns and it makes it all the more exciting. I don’t know what my twenties will hold, but I’m excited to find out. Farewell to nineteen, farewell to who I used to be, and hello to twenty, hello to the person I’ve dreamed of becoming.