Even Though I Should Give Up, I Want To Hold On To Us

I want to give up on us, because no matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to get through to you. No matter how hard I try to be nice to you, you don’t let me. Sometimes I wonder if my niceness frightens you, because if you see it, it won’t let you hate me as much as you do.

I want to give up on us, because you refuse to acknowledge me as someone who your world once revolved around. Maybe because your ego and pride would never let your world revolve around someone other than yourself, and when it did, you felt yourself losing control. So you threw away what we had, to regain control over yourself and your actions, with no external force affecting your decisions.

I want to give up on us, because you will never understand me. You will never understand or appreciate how much I care. I want to give up on us, because even when you loved me, you would let me cry myself to sleep.

I want to give up on us, because you’re not a man of your word and probably never will be. Breaking promises and manipulating situations to suit yourself is what you do best.

I want to give up on us, because you gave up on us even before you stopped loving me.  I want to give up on us, because you want me to give up on us. You want me to stop fighting.  Because my love knows no bounds, I would do anything to make you happy.

But sometimes we’ve got to put ourselves first. Sometimes we have to do what we want to do. Sometimes we have to choose ourselves.

I hold on to us, because for the first time in years, you made someone as detached as me, feel something. I want to hold on to being able to feel because it took me years to find it.

I hold on to us, because I’m very picky and I chose you. I chose you because I saw potential in you.

I hold on to us, because I’m scared. I’m not scared for myself, I’m scared for you. I’m scared no ones going to love you as much as I do, because the good that you have in you is not easily visible. People have to dig in deep to find it. I’ve found it and I’m grateful to God that I did.

I hold on to us, because you are the reason I started praying and put my faith in God. It was what you put me through that bought me closer to him.

I hold on to us, because as cheesy as it sounds, I believe you are the love of my life and that makes it nearly impossible for me to give up on us.

I hold on to us, because you are the only person in this world who’s flaws I can ignore. Even habits I considered deal breakers, mean nothing when it comes to you.

I hold on to us, because you’re probably the most adorable human being I have ever met in my life. You never fail to make me laugh.

I hold on to us, because I don’t care about what people have to say when it comes to you because I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life.

I hold on to us, because I feel safe around you. I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not. I feel at ease.

I hold to us, because I don’t know if you would ever love anyone else as much as you loved me. You did things for me that no one would expect from someone like you.

I hold on to us, because my gut says that even after everything we’ve done to hurt each other, somewhere deep down even you hold on to us. Maybe that’s why you haven’t been in a relationship since then, or so I’d like to believe that’s the reason.

I hold on to us, because I find comfort in thinking that someday we’ll meet again and give it another go, because a love as great as ours, deserves a second chance.

It hurts me more to give up on us than to hold on to us, and because for the first time, I choose myself over you, I continue to hold on to us.