Since the day you walked out, I can’t help but wonder. Thousands, in fact millions of questions, have made their way into my head. I doubt everything. I trust no one, except other broken souls I meet. I can’t seem to differentiate between what’s real, and what’s in my head, because, my dear, if we weren’t real, then it’s impossible to identify what really was, is and what will be. According to some philosophers, everything in this world is an illusion, and we only see what we perceive.
There are times I wonder if what we had was real. If you were really as happy as I thought you were. If you were really next to me. If the words that came out of your mouth, were true. If you even said them. You see, perception changes everything. We’re all human beings and we all perceive things differently, in ways that make it convenient for us to cope. Like the time you forgot I apologized to you that night, and later told me that if I had, you would’ve forgiven me in second. When, in fact, I had apologized, not once but several times.
There were times you blamed me, and there were times you blamed yourself for everything that happened. Now you say it probably just wasn’t meant to be. Fate, it’s a weird concept. I wonder if it’s true, if it’s already decided, how our lives will work out. If so, why do people work hard. Why do they bother working their way through high school, struggle to get into a good college and then get an acceptable job. Why do politicians campaign? Why do we look for people? Why do we fight for people? Why don’t we just sit back, relax and watch the universe do its thing?
Because it’s not as easy as a certain straight path. Maybe we are given options, and choices. Maybe life is more like a flow chart, where our choices lead us to the path we’re on right now at this very moment. Back then you told me that every decision we’ve ever made in our lives led us to that point, led us to each other. That’s fate, right?
So, my dear, blame the timing, blame the consequences, blame yourself. Hell even blame me, if you want, but don’t blame fate for our mistakes.
Blame it on your commitment issues, your selfish personality and your inability to empathize with others. Blame it on my absurdity, my over thinking, my jumping to conclusions and my disorder… But do not blame fate, for you see fate is what lead us to each other, and because God, my dear, is not that cruel.