The 8 Types Of Gay Best Friends

Sex And The City / Amazon.com
Sex And The City / Amazon.com
Over the years I’ve befriended hundreds of people, so it’s only natural that I’ve had a few bests. As a gay man myself, I have always been everyone’s gay best friend, and each time I meet someone new and accept my inevitable title, I’m met with very different reactions (microagressions, if you will). “You don’t sound gay” or “Wait. You don’t like partying?” While I don’t mind getting asked, I thought I would take the time to let the world know that there are many different types of gay best friends. Let’s have a look:

1. The enormous ball of sass.

Perhaps the most stereotypical of the bunch, this little gay is a fireball. While every gay guy has the potential to dish out a few sassy remarks, this guy is enough to challenge Queen Beyoncé herself. If you’re looking for a finger-waggin, hip-swingin D-I-V-A, ladies and gentlemen you have found your new best friend.

2. The brutally honest.

Much less sassy than above, but that comes at a devastating price: he’ll let you know what’s up. We all love a good shopping buddy, but don’t get upset when he likens you in that dress to pre-Weight Watchers Kirstie Alley. “Do these jeans make me look fat?” “No; you’re fat makes you look fat.” Don’t ask questions if you’re afraid to receive an honest answer; he ain’t no sugar-coater.

3. The emotional basket case.

Plain and simple, he wears all 280465 emotions on his sleeves. You’re crying and have a bad day? So is he. Let’s hug it out and shed constant tears of self-pity. He makes a great shoulder to cry on, though. That’s a plus.

4. The #foreveralone romantic.

We’re all looking for love, but some of us are looking way harder than others. This boy is a walking OKCupid ad, and has fallen in love more times than he’s willing to admit. All it takes is a muscular hunk at the gym to wink at him and he’s planning the honeymoon. He’s talked about so many guys in so many settings that at this point, you just smile and nod because you have no idea who David is.

5. The EDM whore.

Because life’s too short not to pop molly and see sounds, right? #plur

6. The regular whore.

Men are playthings, not objects of affection. He has a Grindr, and actually uses it. Sex is a way of life, and this boy ain’t ashamed to enjoy every man within a tri-county radius. You envy his sexual prowess, but you’re genuinely worried about his health. Just be safe, sloot.

7. The devout atheist.

I know, I know, I’m going to hell. My seat’s already claimed. This gay biff sees things a little differently, however. He’s done his research, and can refute every single claim you make. Just avoid the topic of religion (which is a decent idea anyway), and try and see past his unrelenting hatred toward any deity in the history of ever. Let’s all agree to disagree and move on, ok?

8. Your main b*tch.

He’s not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but he’s worth the struggle. He’s always late to lunch, but he gets there eventually. He’s not always the easiest to talk to, but he’ll always be there when you need him. He’s a comfortable balance of sass and honesty. He’ll offer advice from “the guy’s perspective” (or “the girl’s perspective”), and be the support you need. He’s the Ian to your Janice, the Kurt to your Rachel, and the Gale to your Katniss (minus the romantic involvement). He means many things to many people, but what matters most is he’s YOUR gay best friend. TC mark

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