I’ve been single as fuck for two years not because I am traveling the world and there’s no chance but because I am comfortable being with myself. Whilst traveling the coast of Peru, I was lucky enough to meet someone who fits my lifestyle – someone who doesn’t give a fuck about what other people say about him. Someone pretty chill. Someone who’s really a man but sensitive enough to take my feelings into consideration. Someone who’s enjoying life the best way he knows how. Someone who respects me. Someone who looks at me like I am the most beautiful girl in the world, with all the love in his eyes.
The only thing is, he is in love with his brother. And by “in love,” I mean brotherly love.
For two people who didn’t grew up together, they are pretty close. Their parents separated when they were very young so both of them lived in different household. To bring back that fire of brotherhood, they decided to travel together with the hopes of finding what they really want in life, together.
I am not a jealous type of girl. I lived two years of my life without a steady relationship, dating every once in a while in every city I’ve traveled to, trying to figure out this world of romantic relationships and hoping to learn from it along the way. However, his brother is making me feel like I am the odd one out.
Every time we go out for dinner, I notice he asks what his brother wants first before asking mine. There are days when I wanted to share food but he opts to split his pizza with the bro. Most days, I would watch them beautifully talk about flavors and how much they love cooking together. I will remain quiet on the other side not because I don’t know how to cook nor I am uneducated about the spices they are talking about but because I don’t want to break the momentum. They’re so good to look at.
The three of us are all working in a bar in Peru and a few weeks ago, we separated because he wanted to travel by himself and I respect that. I am fine with being away with him because I like my personal space and I’d like to give him his, too. But, he left me with his brother. The truth is, we don’t get along together because most of the time, the bro has his balls over his head. We argued every single day – about almost anything you could think of. We’d shut each other up every time we intend to have a conversation. For every time I want to raise the white flag and call it truce, he would always piss me off and provoke me to fight him back. It never stopped.
There was one time I hated the bro so much because I see him talking to my man on Facebook while I stand there, waiting for him to reply to my messages on Whatsapp. I can see the bro’s big smiles and I am jealous. I am jealous because I’ve never talked to my siblings like that in ages — half sentences, endless laughs and jokes that only the two of them can understand. Believe it or not, that time was also the time I got close with the bro. After a few weeks without my man, we naturally blended together. He started inviting me to taste every food he cooks (not an entire plate but that’s a good start.) We would say “good morning” to each other, which is very unusual. Every night, the bro would ask me, “Have you talked to him today?” or “How is he?” He also told me about his life back home, his travels in Thailand and I get a fair share on the details about the girls he hooked up with every night. You know, simple things like that, which made us become closer and made us realize that we should figure our motherfucking shit out because we care for the same person.
My mother once told me that if you care about somebody, you should want them to be happy even if you winded being left out. I never really understood that not until he came back from his trip, looked at me and hugged his brother first the moment he arrived. That was the time I fully accepted I am the odd one out in this beautiful, unconditional and no-bars-held relationship. They fight too and when it happens, surprisingly, I take both sides. It’s like an instinct. It’s like I’m used to having the bro in our chaotic, undefined, but full-of-love circle.
Seeing both of them so happy all the time made me think about the maximum awesomeness of having a sibling. I am the eldest girl in my family and when we were younger, my siblings and I always fight. I pull my sister’s hair every time I get pissed. I would piss her back by using her toothbrush to brush the toilet bowl without her knowing. We would constantly steal each other’s stuff and accuse each other indiscriminately. But when we grew older, our relationship also grew in the direction of maturity, love and respect, and that puts all things in perspective.
I consider meeting these two a blessing and a learning at the same time. Both of them taught me our love for our siblings should be unconditional. They showed me that our siblings are our mirror, shining back at us with endless possibilities; that our siblings see us at our worst and loves us anyway; that our siblings are our partner in crime, drinking buddy, teacher, defense attorney and even our shrink. All these are noticeable in both of them and that is just amazing.
I don’t know how long we’ll be together but while we’re still on it, I am honestly okay with us being in a relationship with his brother.