Although my heart was on the verge of exploding due to impulse decisions my distracted brain made, I am eternally grateful for work that kept me busy while I was far at it.
I had a strong urge to grab a big ass beer nearby despite having my stories a night before the segment’s shoot fall short, and all I could think was, “I just wanna get this over with.” And trust me, it was that bad.
Truth be told, I think it had been so bad I might have lost myself somewhere along the way. My stories perpetually collapsed, most of my itineraries fizzled out, some of my case studies bailed. It wasn’t an easy place to be considering how much I wanted my last episode for 2015 to be the best one yet.
I am only as good as my last one, they say. But all it took to fall flat was one phone call. One phone call from the number I’ve subconsciously memorized itching me to speak the words I’ve fought to keep for years.
Dropping hints, not really giving the conclusion and ending the conversation with dead air were probably the worst things I’ve done because, yeah, what else was there to lose? My friends said, “So what if he has a girlfriend? You still got to tell him. Directly.”
Out of courtesy, I repressed once again. But more than that, I wasn’t sure you still deserve to know. I might have fallen for every bull our friendship was made out of, but hey, we have grown in ways that earned ourselves the adult badge.
I liked you from the day you thought I had a different surname. I fell for you every time you ran to me when my one text message told you to come. And I loved you even more when we shared the comfortable silence on the phone, in your car, at my house. But like the other good things, we have to come to an end.
Tomorrow, I’ll just probably wake up and do my job better than I did yesterday, and I’ll do it with no let-ups. I’ll find more touching stories, write more organized itineraries, obtain more fitting case studies. Maybe that way, without thinking of it as an escape, I’ll get over you before I even know it.
One day we might bump into each other on the street, and you’re already the best lawyer in town while I’m the head writer of the most-awaited film. When that day comes, know that we might still share a bit of a familiar silence, but I’ve gotten over you. Long before I even knew.