This Is How Empathy Saved My Relationship

Nishe
Nishe

How often do you cross signals with your significant other? Pick up their struggles and emotions?

When my gifts grew I was a hot mess. The emotional roller coaster was severe and extreme, going from one end of the spectrum to the other.

I couldn’t stomach myself. My poor hubby had no idea what to do or how to handle it.

He was trying to be supportive the best he could but when the question is asked “what is wrong”? and my constant response was I don’t know, the level of frustration grew.

How could I not know? What was going on? Why was I constantly crying and miserable? All good questions and ones I was unable to answer.

He would start to ask how it could not be about him or our relationship.

Our significant others are dealing with the ups and downs of the emotional roller coasters that we are on.

After a while of seeing the torrential tears, he was getting frustrated with that response I don’t know and asked how I could not know what was bothering me. It is hard on them to watch us go from one extreme to the other. At one point my hubby was trying to be on the rollercoaster with me, the best thing he did was get off the coaster and stand by and watch it.

He was unable at times to stand by and watch all the emotions crash over me and do nothing about it. He couldn’t handle it and it would get to the point that because I was unable to explain the tears, or depression I would try to hide it from him. I felt very alone, lonely and feeling very low.

I would wait for him to go to sleep before I released the wealth of emotions my body dealt with for the day. It wasn’t until I knew that I was an empath and what that entailed before I was able to know what emotions and struggles weren’t mine.

Now it is a lot easier for us to communicate. I can say I am clingy, I am having a bad day, and I want to be corked up your ass. Most times he laughs and is accommodating. I am able to explain in a much clearer more concise way what I am going through and what I need from him. At the same time he is able to do the same with me. He is able to say I have had a bad day at work and I need to have my down time and alone time.

AT this place I am able to handle that easier than us reacting to each other especially when the roller coaster is on the downward motion. For the most part he is super supportive but he has his days where he needs to relax and rejuvenate. If he continually wears himself down because of the ups and down then we end up disagreeing and I start to feel insecure and a whole other host of emotions now come to play a part in this.

I am a big shouter of having a supportive environment. When your significant other is having a bad day, and they can’t support you which they are entitled to and must deal with their emotions you need an outlet. You need to share what is going on so that is doesn’t get stuck in your energy and stop to have a party.

Here is the thing they need their space as much as we need our space to ground and center ourselves.

There was times when it would piss me off when he would say I can’t handle this situation, I need my time and I would be like WHAT??? What does that mean? Who do you think you are saying that to me? Yup I would go there. There were days I could barely hold it together and he was my boulder of support.

It means he has nothing left to give because he gave it all out and needs to replenish himself.

I have come to realize it’s not his fault or my fault but we have learned to come together and communicate. He now knows and we laugh about when I am clingy, just need a hug or want to sit on his lap to be hugged.

Once that is done I am happy and can go on my way to do something else. It took us a while to get here but open communication has worked wonders for us. I have learned to ask for what I need, for the love and security because that day I felt lots of wacky emotions. Even though I know there aren’t mine there are times when I need to be reassured as well.

Once you know yourself (and that is an ongoing process) and you learn how these emotions affect you, you are able to communicate in an effective manner with your significant other.

The best time I found to chat with my hubby is when I have a clear head and I can articulate what exactly I need. We can respond to each other’s needs instead of reacting. Reacting causes hurt feelings, and more misunderstandings.

We work on this every day. There are times when we catch the other just reacting to a text or a look. This is a work in progress, it is not ask one time and expect immediate results. It is creating a new way of dealing with each other of being open and understanding.

One of the most important things I have learned from this is when he needs his time away I used to create the stories in my head as to why he isn’t available to me that usually happens after I long day of feeling everyone’s struggles and emotions. I have created a stop word to stop the story and move on with my day. It can be stop, BS, end, clear, you get the picture pick a word that will jolt you out of the story.

Do not beat yourself up if it takes time and energy. Create your intention for this and explain exactly what you need and this too will change, go with the flow. Love yourself and your significant other. This is only a moment in time and this too shall pass. TC mark

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