Thought Catalog

We Have To Stop Calling Girls “Crazy”

  • 0

Dear Bros,

I grew up big-time this weekend.

I hope you’re not disappointed when I say it has nothing to do with my addiction to Twitter and my consecutive 140-character thoughts about why Lebron is the man. There won’t be any long narratives here that wax on about a journey through failure and success. There’s no moment where I was on the brink of collapse until the wind whispered into my ear a secret message to push on. Rather, just a muttering of “Holy f-ck” under my breath as I was writing a previous draft. Here I was compiling and narrating a list of (obviously) hilarious stories that had happened to me over the course of my love life.

Key phrasing: happened to me.

Sure, I wrote a preface explaining how it takes two to tango. Yet the bulk of the writing wasn’t about me. It pretended as though I was an innocent bystander, someone just taking everything in as a myriad of anecdotal insanity erupted around me. Who was to blame for this insanity? Ex-girlfriends, duh! But my dear and devoted Watsons, simple elementary proves that so wrong. I was preparing a highlight reel of all these crazy things that had happened and you know what I realized the common variable was? Me. I was the control in the experiment. The constant. The catalyst.

It’s the ultimate irony. All the times my mother claimed I had an affinity for wounded birds? I was the one with broken wings so large I should have been in “Pterodactyl Porn.” (Google it. Trust me.) The times when I’d sit around with and joke about the “Dream Team” of crazy in my past? I should have been cast as Michael Jordan. (Please tell me you aren’t Googling that right now.) I know it seems a little less exciting than just going on about the time someone asked me to pee on them after sex or the time I earned the nickname “Eternal Bastard” at 3 a.m. but I promise to try and keep you as entertained as I can.

_____

We should be fair to ones we share these moments of passion with, and I have realized it’s unfair to put them on blast on the internet. Here I have all the power. I’m the one with the keyboard, and the (ever so slight) audience. It’s not hard to be Tucker Max and recount dastardly sexcapades. (That’s sex and escapades mashed together. Has anyone EVER done that?) All you do is write about yourself as the hero or the victim, and make a fool of everyone else in the story. That’s an easy, sh-tty thing to do, and frankly, it’s what we do.

Would I want long expositions into each time I’ve gotten whiskey dick? What about the St. Patrick’s Day I spent naked and wasted on the bathroom floor? Would I want my ex to write about the 26 times (IN A ROW) I called her crying that day? Would I want my friends to write about how I was simultaneously crying on the phone to them about how she was definitely going to break up with me right then and there? Of course not! That story is embarrassing. I would never meet anyone if I started first dates with:

“Hey, what’s going on? After we date for a few months I am going to get monstrously drunk and beg you to come over like a whiny toddler that needs his mommy. How does that sound?”

And I won’t do that to someone else. I won’t put the worst of someone else on the internet without agreeing to put the best of them right beside it. I’m talking about us all living in a glass house. Only an idiot goes and throws stones, my bros. I tried to explain to my friends that maybe I was the crazy one — the intense individual who caused these emotional explosions — I was met with hearty laughs, pats on the back and assurances that this was not the case. But why not? Because girls are crazy, man! We all know it. God they can be so emotional and needy, right? Good thing we don’t ever get like that. Nope, never. See, the world doesn’t need more male-driven narratives about “crazy” females. It’s absolutely a played out angle, but more than that, it hurts our female friends. Maybe it’s all the Feminist Ryan Gosling. You girls have been blogging and reblogging and pinning and liking it so much that it’s creeping into my subconscious.

But damn, we really do call girls “crazy” a lot. It’s not right, and wait… Ryan, let me try this one on for size… it takes advantage of the Patriarchal hierarchy of our social structure. (Did I do that right, Ryan? Probably not.)

Do we realize that by claiming that women are “crazy,” by constantly telling it to each other, and letting women know that this is what we think about them — that we perpetuate some serious awful sh-t? We’re invalidating feelings. Making a mockery of the heart. We scoff at their possible rage or sadness and then wonder why they come back twice as livid. We wonder why some women won’t open up to us. Why some are so hell bent on not being “that girl” that they close themselves off and are… mmmm… what do we like to say… oh, yeah: “frigid bitches.” We’re kind of dicks about it. Plus, we’re creating no-win situations for us here, my bros. Our rocks are the ones with intense feelings for us that we have scorned and scoffed at, while the hard places are the ones who see what’s going down and won’t give us a chance to connect with them.

We’re painting ourselves into a corner and I won’t participate anymore. I’m here to liberate us. Your ex-girlfriend is probably not crazy. She actually just has a few moments that she regrets. Moments where she got caught up in some intense feelings for you. Or maybe it was too many shots that night. Remorseful moments that are no different than when we’ve shouted some things in anger outside their apartment, or texted some ungodly awful sh-t.

So I’m not going to sit here and rub that moment in someone’s face for a good laugh. That’s pretending there aren’t things I’d like to take back or things I’ve said that I couldn’t bear to see on the internet. I’d rather write that we all have a grocery list of moments where we seemed less than sane and that there is no point in tearing each other down about it. We make mistakes. I know because my grocery list feeds a family of eight. I’m just trying to make my 20s work out. Then hopefully my 30s and then who knows.

But I do know that if I’m going to grow up one day and hopefully make less mistakes, that I’ve got to explore what I said and what I felt — not hang up my ex lover’s less-than-stellar moments like we’re at some amateur art show. I’m not claiming to be the vanguard this time like I have claimed going commando. I’m behind the times on this one. I just hope that if go out and you tell all your friends that your ex was a crazy b-tch, you follow that up with “But so was I. So was I.” TC mark

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  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/06/we-have-to-stop-calling-girls-%e2%80%9ccrazy%e2%80%9d/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    […] Thought Catalog » Love & Sex Add a comment […]

  • HOH

    Amazing. Thank you.

    • http://twitter.com/iamtheboyking Trey (@iamtheboyking)

      Hey! you’re fucking welcome.

    • Julia Sunnie

      Your amazing, your going to make one girl very happy one day. I kinda wish it was me

  • http://gravatar.com/katgeorge Kat George

    Amazing.

  • http://www.thenewclosetromantic.com Tor

    I adore this. I’ve had my fair share of regrettable ‘crazy bitch’ moments, but you captured it perfectly.

    “We wonder why some women won’t open up to us. Why some are so hell bent on not being “that girl” that they close themselves off and are… mmmm… what do we like to say… oh, yeah: “frigid bitches.””
    – Yup, that sounds familiar.

    • Megan

      Yup, that quote really hit it home for me.

  • C

    Yes.

  • Michelle

    Congratulations, with this realization, you may just make one girl never have to be crazy again.
    Nicely done.

    • kkroo

      I second that. All of that.

  • DIG IT

    I like how you started with the concept of writing/joking about things but then had some discovery along the way. That always makes for a good piece. Plus, the message is true – we’re all cray. Nice job!

  • julienomore

    Thank you so much for writing this.

  • L

    Wonderful.

  • Actually

    I’m a girl and I recognize that girls are crazy. We are. It’s because we’re more intelligent — there’s a lot going on in our domes, man.
    Of course I haven’t read your article, but yeah.

    • C

      Perhaps you should consider reading it. It’s a good article, you might learn something.

    • Lara

      What a silly thing to say.

  • L

    This is an amazing realization and a sentiment that is MUCH appreciated. What an under-discussed problem!

  • http://baileypowell.com Bailey Powell

    This is incredibly insightful and I think girls deserve to have men preach to other dudes about this. THANKS!!

  • http://twitter.com/madddesign Madelyn Owens (@madddesign)

    Now we just need to get girls to stop calling each other crazies/bitches/uggos, and we are on our way! Thank you for this and I hope you’ll spread the word to your male friends.

  • http://gravatar.com/prettylittleeliot Eliot Rose

    Marry me? OK, that sounded a little crazy.

  • J

    This is great. If only straight men read Thought Catalog the way single straight women do.

    • Rob

      Some of us do. Very insightful article.

  • http://twitter.com/AlkalineSuicide Alkaline Suicide (@AlkalineSuicide)

    I have to say, I think this piece is really important for people to read. I have realized over the years that when a guy tells me his exes are all crazy, it’s time for me to move on. Calling someone crazy is a way to invalidate all the good that was once there and, when called it, makes you feel like you should never share any real feeling with anyone again because it might blow up into “crazy” and that is such and unfair way to make someone feel.

    Any guy that reads this and honestly agrees with it all is a good man to have in your corner. Thanks, Trey.

  • maria

    I want to blast this to every single guy I know.

    Congrats on becoming ThoughtCatalog’s Ryan Gosling

  • rika

    i love and appreciate this. great article.

  • Kate

    Oh, my. I think I love you. This made me really happy. Thank you.

  • H

    EXCELLENT!!

  • Flo Bro

    It is with no pleasure that I inform the readers of this article that this author is full of shit and speaks for roughly 1% of men… the article should be entitled: Guy with no game is mad that most women deny him so he called them crazy.. and now he feels guilty.

    First – Most men don’t date girls for a few months then whine and beg for them to sleepover.. we have a name for those guys.. spineless dweebs or dumb pussies.

    Second – Most men are simple and straightforward and if they call a girl crazy – 90% of the time they probably had a right to. Women in their mid-20s are irrational and bizarre beings and don’t know what they want out of life, let alone a significant other. As a result they have their ‘crazy meter’ on full blast far too often. How I Met Your Mother’s “Hot-Crazy” scale will show you how a guy’s mind truly work (unlike this loser of an author that does not speak for any men that I know)

    Third – your whiskey dick is embarrassing. I turn into a workhorse after 6 glasses of scotch.. so speak for yourself man. One of your many issues, I’m sure.

    Fourth – once you said “making a mockery of the heart” I TRULY thought this was a brilliantly written, sarcastic article. But you’re actually being honest aren’t you? Slightly pathetic..

    Fifth – Patriarchal society? No… lemme break it down for you. Men are honest. We don’t beat around the bush. We call them like we see it. If a girl talks to much during sex, if she can’t take a hint in the morning that you want her gone, if she seems far too addictive to twitter and/or instagram, if she seems to look in a mirror every 30minutes, if she wonders why you have no respect for her after you banged on the first date… and THEN she sends us a long paragraph text saying we should have been aborted. Then we get a 2am text saying “what’s up?”. This is usually the red flag most guys need to drop the “that bitch is crazy” line.

    Eventually a smart, non-crazy, beautiful woman comes along and guy’s won’t let them go. Shocker. Unfortunately for us men.. they are hard to come by.

    • L

      what he said

    • N

      Seriously? You think you’re a better guy than the article writer here? I have met / seen many crazy, irrational men. My ex was a 32 year old manipulative and pathetic man obsessed with making a harem out of 16 year old high school girls that had been – or at the time were currently being – raped and abused by family members.

      I don’t know about you, but no matter how crazy a woman can be, I’ve never seen one be THAT type of a crazy sociopath in a relationship. When your personal exes are that bad, then you can have the right to call them crazy. Until then, try to remember that most of the time women go crazy because men are stupid.

    • http://www.girlandcity.com SassyGirl

      Decent article but this comment was way better.

      • http://twitter.com/iamtheboyking Trey (@iamtheboyking)

        Completely agree.

    • H

      Bless you for trying. Ironic that you go into great detail about ‘crazy girls’ when it’s evident that you haven’t got both of your oars in the water.

    • Rick

      wow. being this reductive must take a huge penis!!! congrats man.

      • Steph

        Possibly the best comment ever…

      • Steph

        Maybe it’s just my computer? It looks unclear that I was replying to Rick, not Flo Bro…

      • R

        No seriously – it takes a real man to “call it like it is” – but apparently all men are real men and 99% of women are just crazy. Maybe you should medicate us?

    • BBB

      I like how you begin your article by claiming that the author is being overly specific and only speaks for 1% of men and then go on to claim that all women in their mid-twenties are “irrational and bizarre beings.” Let’s hear it for hypocritical sweeping generalizations!

      Most of the women I know are intelligent, motivated, kind people who know EXACTLY what they want out of life and a partner; when they do get upset, it’s usually because of a guy. Regardless of what you claim, not all men are honest; a lot of them are total assholes who play just as many games as you claim women do. While some men do tend to be more “simple and straightforward” than women, you could also call them “boring and tactless.” Some people are smarter, or more complicated, or more emotional, etc. than others, regardless of their gender.

      And I like how you completely dismiss the idea of a patriarchal society and then a few sentences later talk about not respecting a girl for putting out on a first date. Um, the guy she slept with on that first date did the exact same thing. So we shouldn’t respect him either? Those kind of gender-based double standards are pretty much the definition of a patriarchal society. Nice try, though.

      Guess what? If most of the women you encounter appear to be “crazy,” it’s probably your behavior that’s making them that way.

      • Flo Bro

        To ‘N’ – that guy sounds old and creepy. But sure… generalize all men based on the psycho you used to date. Good choice in men.

        To ‘BBB’ – First date double standard exists.. deal with it. Women are sluts for doing it and men are awesome (if she’s not gross). I didn’t make the rules but I play by them.

        I think you should live with that.. since all the other glass ceilings are broken (amount of women go to college actually outnumbers men, they earn as much in most non-professional industries, etc.).

        In conclusion – women have a lot going on in their mind when it comes to men. It makes the vast majority of them nightmares to be with. C’est la vie.

      • JR

        Denying that we live in a patriarchal society is one of the most dumbshit things I have ever heard, and any TINY amount of respect I had for you because you were expressing your honest opinion disappeared completely. You just don’t realize we live in a patriarchal society because you reap the benefits of it. Get out of your own ass and pay attention to the way society has been developing the last few years. Last I checked, you weren’t being told what to do with your penis/reproductive organs, or being denied the right to medical care because of what’s between your legs. I doubt you’ve suffered any kind of gender-based discrimination on the job, and you make $1 for the 76 cents your female co-worker earns. You have a greater chance of receiving a job offer, getting a promotion, making a higher salary, becoming CEO, and a truckload of other opportunities because you have a dick. You gained nothing from these readers except providing a clearer understanding of your limited intelligence and stunted societal understanding. Now, go vote GOP, as we all know you do.

    • http://www.facebook.com/blackpaperbag Faith Chung

      “If a girl talks to much during sex, if she can’t take a hint in the morning that you want her gone”

      Wow, seriously? If this is how you treat a girl you’re sleeping with, no wonder they’re all crazy to you. If they weren’t already crazy for getting together with you in the first place, you’d bring it out in them.

      • Jake

        This article was terrible. Then I saw this comment and the thread was saved.

        “If a girl can’t take a hint in the morning”?? So. True.

        hahahha

      • cbk

        ‘flo bro’ … really with the comment about ‘N’ generalizing men based on one (actually i’m sure there is more than one) experience. is that not what your entire initial comment was? not even going to lay into the other comments. you’re a sad excuse for a guy, and i hope the next girl you rail after your workhorse enducing scotch tells you to forgo the condom and you wind up with some nasty blisters on your little baby dick.

        and yes, i said baby dick.

    • letsbserious

      god bless the woman you end up with. you have a lot to learn, sir.

    • boorf

      anyone who thinks dudes aren’t irrational and bizarre beings clearly has never dated them

      • oliveroars

        I miss the “like” function

    • Guest

      You’re a sexist bastard.

    • Mary Kate

      I saw this article posted on someone’s wall, and I thought it was nice, and I do appreciate the sentiment. However, as I’m sure the author would agree, 60 girls thanking a guy for validating their feelings is just the thing we are trying to avoid . While It is really nice to hear a dude say “I shouldn’t have called you crazy,”…we knew that the whole time, ladies. Men not being dicks shouldn’t be something we celebrate, its just the way it should be.

      FLO BRO–you’re handle alone makes me think you may want to lay off the hair gel and turn down your terrible house music. You’re a dick, so the girls willing to date/sleep with you are sad inside. Being sad inside makes you drink a lot and say crazy things sometimes. Also, just curious, how many times have you had to lie to a girl and tell her the herpes flare-up she noticed (KNEW I SHOULD HAVE KEPT THE BOXERS ON!!) was “just a couple of ingrown hairs”? I bet they believed you too, you smooth talker, you ;)

      • Stefani

        Mary Kate, I was about to write the same two paragraphs, but you’ve said everything I wanted to say, twice as eloquently. Thank you for being a voice of sanity.

    • Rooster

      IM GOING TO DOODLE DOO ALL OVER YOUR COCK!

    • AA-RON

      Flo Bro, my main man, what you don’t seem to realize is the enormous amount of internet groupies that Trey has gained from this article, but that isn’t the point. The point is that your idea of ‘smart, non-crazy, beautiful woman’ is different then every other guys idea of that same woman. While it is a stretch to say that every girl you see will eventually be married, I would say that the majority of men/women find someone that they love and eventually will marry. So saying women are generally crazy because you are going to find only one that you truly love and maybe 5 more that you love, but not enough to pop the question, is incorrect.

      • FLO BRO

        I laugh at guys like you, Aa-ron. When you cry about how much girls treat you bad, and wonder why they can’t just see that you’re a nice guy who would always treat them right? I nod and tell you to hang in there, you’ll find someone right for you someday, don’t give up hope man. But inside? I’m laughing my ass off at you you pathetic fuck. Every girl you set your sights on, who isn’t a disgusting pig-monster, I’m going to fuck 6 ways from Sunday before you even tell her you think she’s cute. I won’t bother trying when you finally settle for that 350 pound girl who works at hardees, you can have that. Anything else I’m going to cum on her face before you get those lips near it.
        And the biggest reason I laugh? It’s not me doing all this. It’s the girls. When you cry about how lonely you are? Or talk about how you just want to curl up and dissapear, and all that emo bullshit? You’re triggering her “Don’t Fuck” instinct something feirce. You’re a miserable weak coward, why would she want your genes? Feel free to buy her a new computer and help her decorate her apartment, you’re great for that. But her baby-maker is barking orders at her, telling her to wrap her legs around me and hold on for as long as she can. She needs it, on a primal level you’ll never get to see first hand, even if you do get a chance to fuck her. Sooner or later one of them will lay back and spread their legs, but you won’t see any hunger in their eyes. They won’t beg you to love them forever and make them yours. You won’t know what it’s like to see her animal side needing you as much as she needs to eat and breath.

      • H

        You need to be taken out back and castrated.

    • Straight Outta' Compton

      Crazy mothafucka named Ice Cube

      • JMO

        >:(

    • FLO BRO

      Dear women:
      SHUT YOUR GODDAMN FUCKING MOUTHS, CUNTS! YOU ARE FUCKING WORTHLESS! YOU ARE NOT SMART, WE DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY! THE ONLY THING YOU’RE GOOD FOR IS TO SHOW YOUR TITS AND ASS AND TO CARRY AROUND A FEW FUCKING HOLES THAT FEEL GOOD WHEN WRAPPED AROUND MY GODDAMN COCK!
      That’s right, all a women is is a vessel for a cunt, mouth and asshole that are just begging to get fucking filled with cock. Women are the useless skin around a cunt. Goddamn bitches, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES YOU! YOU’RE JUST A SEX TOY MADE OF MEAT FOR GUYS TO ENJOY! THAT IS THE PURPOSE OF YOUR EXISTANCE, TO BE USED LIKE A FLESHLIGHT WITH ARMS AND LEGS THAT MOANS! *THAT’S IT*
      Your life is fucking worthless you goddamn sluts. Every day thousands of women around the world have their clits cut off, get raped and beaten.In the USA women get killed and raped daily, yet you fucking dumb cunts still spend all of your cash just to look pretty enough so one of us superior males will fuck your goddamn holes. YOU BITCHES LOVE COCK *THAT* MUCH AND YET YOU CRY WHEN A GUY GIVES IT TO YOU AND CALL IT RAPE? FUCK YOU! GO BACK TO SHOWING TITS AND GETTING FUCKED AND NEVER OPEN YOUR MOUTHS AGAIN… ‘cept to take cock.
      [edit]

      • Flo Bro

        JUST SO YOU ALL KNOW IM DOING BICEP CURLS AND DRINKING A PROTEIN SHAKE WHILE I WRITE ALL OF THIS SHIT, COCKFAGGOTS!!!!!

      • Jenny

        i wish there was a way to flag this comment as abusive.

      • Nia

        You say woman as if that’s meant to insult me. I would return the slap if I took you for a man. But… I don’t.

      • alphanerd

        Dear FLO BRO,
        Man, I really liked your first comment. Hit the nail on the head. But THEN you had to keep talking. You big strong man you. I’m not going to say you’re not attractive in real life, because the first comment tells me you’ve probably gotten laid before. I’m just sayin that if you said something like that last comment in real life, one of us ‘superior males’ would probably punk you out, which is why you wouldn’t say it, because you’re probably a little bitch. No one that knows you probably respects you. Yeah, the writer of this article is a huge pussy, sure, but you are also a huge pussy for what you just said. If you trick one of those beautiful, smart women into letting you have sex with them for a while, just know that it’s only a matter of time before they find the huge insecure fucking little bitch that you are and move on to a real man. Have a great day and I hope you go blind and deaf in real life.

      • Sarah

        This kind of attitude towards women when they’re literally the main reason you’re actually alive right now is so baffling. You do realize a woman gave birth to you, right?

      • Hatin you.

        I hope you actually wonder why nobody likes you.

      • Katelynn

        lol @ the folks who think ‘flo bro’ the tool actually receives female attention.

    • http://gravatar.com/pinkhibiscus123 Katja

      Cool story bro. Seriously, the one common denominator of all your relationships is YOU, so if you really think that most girls are crazy, chances are there’s something really wrong with you. I also don’t get why men with this misogynistic attitude are straight, anyway. This is in no way meant to imply that gay males are misogynist, far from it. But why would you want to date/sleep with people you have no respect for? May as well be asexual or into the same sex then. If you think girls are crazy sluts and you’re so much better, why would you even bother debasing yourself by being with them? That makes you a hypocrite, because if you respected yourself, you wouldn’t do it. You seem like a sad, frustrated little boy whose sexual “conquests” is the only thing keeping him from crying himself to sleep at night.

      “Eventually a smart, non-crazy, beautiful woman comes along and guy’s won’t let them go. Shocker. Unfortunately for us men.. they are hard to come by.” Hard to come by? Or maybe… those girls won’t give you the time of day because they have high standards and have no interest in wasting time with arrogant misogynists?

      • http://www.roastedkeyboard.com roastedkeyboard

        Dear Alphanerd!

        I love you! Can we please get married now? THANK YOU for saying that!

    • Liz_Anna

      Well don’t you just sound like a treat to be around.

    • D

      Alright everyone, move along; don’t feed the troll.

    • http://www.facebook.com/swordright Luna Hayelasdi

      1. calling a man a pussy as an insult while trying to say HE is still sexist, just proves YOU are. 2. fuck you, women are not inherently crazy. 5. You clearly don’t understand what “patriarchal society” means. google it dipshit. and 6. No woman that self-aware would touch a thing like you with a 10 foot pole. Except perhaps to knock your teeth in.

  • SG

    Thank you.

  • Nicole

    Stumbling Upon this literally made my day (and I’m starting a new job today so my day was already pretty made). A few nights ago I decided to boycott reading anything that looked like a rage comic or meme that had both a girl and boy in it, because man, the internet makes men look like assholes (no offense). 19/20 times those comics touching on relationships are throw downs about why girls are crazy, and I realized that reading them – as amusing as they were – was making me think negatively about pretty much all men that used the internet (clearly wrong). The depiction that gets put out there is, “ALL the porn! ALL the video games! ALL The sandwich making misogyny! Etc.” And sure, the jokes were funny for a while, but if you repeat the same statement enough, you start leaving an imprint behind; which in the case for Men Vs The Internet is, “We’re jerkbags that think nothing of women.” Oh so, also, on behalf of any slack you’ll automatically get for being a male; Sorry.

  • Alyssa

    “Your ex-girlfriend is probably not crazy. She actually just has a few moments that she regrets. Moments where she got caught up in some intense feelings for you. Or maybe it was too many shots that night.”

    So, whenever I get upset and express that, I should regret it right? So when you get piss drunk and try to throw bottles at bypassers off your balcony and scream YOLO! you should, in turn, regret it, right?

    I shouldn’t have to apologize for expressing my feelings. I appreciate the defense, but those “moments” are just as much of me as those good moments. Deal with it or gtfo.

    • http://www.facebook.com/swordright Luna Hayelasdi

      yes perfect correction. love it.

  • Lauren

    Thank you!

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