8 Terribly Wondrous Things You Will Witness On Your Commute From NYC

Joe Shlabotnik
Joe Shlabotnik

1. Everyone walks like an asshole

Technically, you really only need to have walked through the city once in your life to notice this, but it’s even more noticeable and even more of a pain in the ass when you’re in the city every day. You’re trying to catch a train/bus/subway, and people stroll down the street during rush hour while the majority of people are whizzing by them at an abnormally fast pace. It’s frustrating, and it will never ever go away. Deal with it, or work at the deli 3 blocks from your house.

2. You will see crazy things every single day that you have to pretend are not crazy

New Yorkers know better than anyone that walking by all of the craziness that is Manhattan is part of what makes the city, the city. Our eyes have been trained to block out almost everything around us weather we’re walking down the street, waiting for a bus, or standing in a subway car holding on to the greasiest of subway poles to avoid being thrown on the floor when the subway jerks forward. That woman screaming at everyone who walks by, ignore. The guy walking near you wearing a dirty white and red hoodie with no pants on while his balls swing to and fro (yea, I saw that), ignore. The guy outside of Penn Station holding up a sign cursing our government and encouraging you to like his Facebook page, ignore. They will not hurt you. This is not Idaho. It takes a whole lot to really freak out a Long Islander/New Yorker.

3. Tourists stick out like a sore thumb

They’re everywhere, especially on the blocks that are near Times Square. So, if you work anywhere near there, you will grow to despise them. See #1. They walk like assholes. Yes, I know they’re on vacation and they want to take snap shots of all that New York has to offer (which is way too much to see on just 1 vacation), but do you need to stop in the middle of the sidewalk on 7th avenue at 5:45pm?! They’re sightseeing and slowing you down while you are on your way home after being out of the house for 12 hours. Get out of the fucking way and have some regard for the people around you that are clearly in a hurry. They also dress nothing like New Yorkers do. Think back to that episode of Seinfeld where George was supposed to watch the luggage of a stranger who never returned, so George took the suitcase home and started wearing the guys clothes. He looked like a tourist. Tourists can also be seen wearing New York themed clothing (i.e. I love NY t-shirts) and walking down the street as a family of 4 or 5 with a camera out at all times.

4. You will be forced to experience the hell-hole that is Penn Station

Trains go in and out of Penn Station on the same schedules every day. Why can’t the track for the 6:10 train be announced any sooner than 6:04? And why can’t the train arrive any sooner than 6:07? And why can’t the 6:10 ever leave at 6:10? Could this system be any more inconvenient? As soon as the track is announced, people sprint, literally for the correct staircase so that they could be one of the first people on the train because OH MY GOD, I NEED A FUCKING WINDOW SEAT! It’s a complete free-for-all. You see people shoving in front of women and children because apparently this is the last train out of New York for the next year and a half. You stand near the entrance for Track 14 because c’mon, the 6:10 is always on track 14. Then 1 day, it happens. Track 20. FUCK! RUN! God help the people that are standing between tracks 14 and 20 because they have a typhoon of commuters jetting in their direction. Please, kill me now.

5. Its unfortunate to see, but homeless people cannot be avoided

It’s a sin because it’s going to break your heart to see people who have nothing. You will also recognize homeless people in the same spots every day. Most people don’t give them a second thought, and you just simply can’t give every homeless person you see money every day. I always said that if I won the lottery that I would love to go into the city and just hand a bundle of 20’s to some homeless people to see the look on their faces. You don’t need to give them money, but if you see some of the same people every morning, buy them a coffee or a bagel one day. It’ll put a smile on their face, and it’ll make you feel good about what you did.

6. The women

They’re all a flaming ball of sex. Everyone is dressed to impress, and in the warmer months, they show a lot of skin. Women of every size, shape, race, hair color, and breast size. It provides for plenty of eye candy. It will never get old to see the tall blonde with red lipstick in a low cut white dress, the stunning brunette with her silky hair flowing through the air and tiny freckles on her chest and cleavage, or the sexy pale skinned redhead in heels who eye fucks you as you pass each other. New York women are not like other women. You will pick this up rather quickly. God bless America.

7. The lack of car accidents that you see will surprise you

I have never witnessed a car accident as it happens in the city, and I hope I never do. But its surprising when you think of how reckless cab drivers are, and how equally reckless the people are who walk right in front of cars when they have a green light. People simply give zero fucks. And that’s just how it is.

8. Take it all in

There is plenty to complain about especially when you’re in the city for work, not play. Take some time to take in your surroundings. It’s one of the most beautiful places in the world, and you are experiencing it right now. You can go to any corner of the world and ask someone if they’ve heard of New York, and pretty much everyone will say yes. It’s unlike any other place you will experience. Many people will only get to see New York in pictures, or in Woody Allen movies, but you have it so accessible to you, and it’s just a quick train ride away. Make time in your busy schedule for some of the best restaurants you’ll ever visit, unique bars and pubs, and the wonderful scenery and landmarks like Central Park, Battery Park, the Freedom Tower, Times Square, Madison Square Garden, the Village, and stop at Rose’s pizza in Penn station for a damn good slice, among many many other places. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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