Sure, drinking is social, fun, and deeply embedded in the culture of our society. But sometimes, you just don’t feel like it. Here are nine (albeit slightly ridiculous) ways to get out of it, some of which assume you are a badass out to start some trouble.
1. Hold a drink in your hand anyway.
Or just a red Solo cup. You’ll feel instantly cooler and in charge of the situation, and if someone asks you what you’re drinking, shrug it off or smile and pretend you can’t hear them. It’s none of their business.
2. Tell people you’re training.
For something, anything. Half marathons and 5Ks are huge right now. Most people will just accept it and move on.
3. Tell people you’re pregnant.
If you’re a woman not drinking at a bar, everyone’s already thinking it. Assuming you don’t give a damn about what other people think, give them the temporary satisfaction of thinking they’re right. Then rip it out from under them when they bring it up again the next day.
4. Be on some kind of crazy cleanse.
“I’m only drinking water with lemon and cayenne pepper.” The lengths to which people will go to lose some weight are insane, but cleanses also serve as a plausible excuse.
5. Use the opportunity to morally denounce drinking.
To quote Elizabeth Swann from Pirates of the Caribbean, “Because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels.” You tell ’em.
6. Tell people you’re a recovering alcoholic.
They will feel like a jerk for trying to lure you down the road of temptation.
7. You’re allergic.
This is quite possible, but people always start questioning you about whether you know it for a fact or if you’re just making it up. Some will even go so far as to ask you about which ingredient in particular causes the allergic reaction. So while this is a perfectly reasonable response, it occasionally causes more trouble than it’s worth.
8. You’re broke.
Woe is me—I’m out of money. If you’re a guy, this will work. If you’re a woman, someone will probably buy you a drink anyway, so it’s better to just say…
9. You just don’t want to.
If you’re feeling particularly bold, tell the truth. It’s worked for me so far. #Respect.