If Taylor Swift’s “22” Were Edited For Accuracy
By Tori Ahl
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It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters go to bed by 10
And make fun of our exes Lena Dunham, ah ah. ah ah.
It feels like a perfect night for breakfast at midnight to masturbate
To fall in love with strangers, To cancel on jewboy23, your OK cupid date. ah ah. ah ah.
Yeeeah,
We’re happy free confused and lonely depressed poor unemployed and bitter at the same time
It’s miserable and magical miserable, oh yeah
Tonight’s the night when we forget about the deadlines to pay rent
It’s time to call your parents…
Oh oh!
I don’t know about you what real adults do
But I’m feeling 22
Everything will be alright if
You keep me next to you give me your Netflix login or Hulu
You don’t know all about me
But I’ll bet you want to You read my stuff on Thought Catalog and saw my back tattoo
Everything will be alright if
We just keep dancing like we’re complaining about being
22
22
It seems like one of those nights every other night,
This place is too crowded expensive
Too many cool kids fedoras. ah ah. ah ah.
(Who’s Taylor Swift anyway? Everyone knows who you are Taylor. Ugh.)
It seems like one of those nights,
We ditch the whole scene and end up dreaming eating
Instead of sleeping Then pass the fuck out covered in In-n-Out special sauce and weeping
Yeeeah,
We’re happy free confused and lonely depressed poor unemployed and bitter in the best worst way
It’s miserable and magical miserable, oh yeah
Tonight’s the night when we forget about the heartbreaks everything and black out
It’s time to start a fight because you think your friends called you fat (you are!)
Oh oh!
I don’t know about you cried when they killed off Rue
But I’m feeling 22
Everything will be alright if
You keep me next to you let me leave your balls blue
You don’t know all about me
But I’ll bet you want to You saw me at Trader Joe’s, my Urban Outfitter’s paisley shirt was see-through
Everything will be alright if
We just keep dancing like we’re complaining about being
22
22
I don’t know about you W-2s
22
22
It feels like one of those nights,
We ditch the whole scene our deeply ingrained belief we are special or unique
It feels like one of those nights,
We won’t be sleeping on clean sheets
It feels like one of those nights,
You look like bad news a 28-year-old Apple employee
I gotta have you
I gotta have you
I literally don’t know about you have any revenue
But I’m feeling 22
Everything will be alright if
You keep me next to you let me borrow your blazer for my unpaid internship interview
You don’t know all about me
But I’ll bet you want to You saw me order from the left side of the Denny’s menu
Everything will be alright if
We just keep dancing like we’re complaining about being
22
22
22
22
It feels like one of those nights,
We ditch the whole scene and decide to go to grad school
It feels like one of those nights,
We won’t be sleeping the application’s due at noon
It feels like one of those nights,
You look like bad news This looks like a great excuse
I gotta have you
I gotta have you