I’ll admit it. I’m a mama’s boy. My mother was a young woman who had felt her share of hurt from men. Like many single mothers, she made it her mission to ensure that no woman would ever be hurt, as she was, by a son that she raised. She taught me how to treat a lady. She taught me chivalry, the value of communication, and even revealed a few well-kept feminine secrets that I’ve used from time to time during courtship.
What she also did was make me the man in her life. Unfortunately, that unraveled all of her hard work and made me impossible to date. My mother doted over me and praised me more than any young man should. She coddled me because I provided as much security for her as she did for me. I was the one man that would never leave or hurt her. Don’t get me wrong, she taught me right from wrong, and I definitely suffered the consequences of my actions. I can assure you that no rod was spared; however, she was forced to play both disciplinarian and comforter. Needless to say, the lines were often blurred.
Fast forward to my dating years. Through my mother’s love, I had developed a sense of entitlement and an unrealistic expectation of a woman’s role in my life. I wanted a woman to be my mother – not like my mother – be my mother. I expected to be taken care of and showered with verbal affirmations, even when I didn’t deserve them. I also gave my mother way too much power in my relationships. I allowed her to have a voice in situations she should have been mute.
I eventually had to learn that my mother was extremely biased. Her opinions will always be welcomed, but they are only solicited when it is appropriate. There’s a reason the bible tells us to “leave and cleave” because you certainly can’t serve two masters. There can only be one woman in a man’s life, and if he’s married, that woman cannot be his mother.
The mama’s boy is not a lost cause. He just needs to mature and come to the full understanding that his mother may have been wrong about him. As a woman dating a mama’s boy, I caution you to understand the depths of this relationship. Challenging his mother will not end well for you. You can help him see his mother’s imperfections by gently making him aware of her inconsistencies and unfavorable behavior. However, forcefully confronting him about his mother will cause him to attack.
It will take time, but he will come around. Though not intentional, his mother has been programming him for years to accept their shared sense of entitlement. Getting him to see the truth will be time-consuming, but not impossible. You have to decide whether or not it is worth your time and effort.
I still hold my mother in very high regard, as any man should. (A man who doesn’t respect his mother will NOT respect you. Trust me.) Though my mother is still an important woman in my life, I’ve made room for a woman to occupy a space that my mother never will. My mother understands that I love her, but I’m my own man, and she is NOT my woman.
Be careful ladies; there’s a difference between a man who loves his mother and a man who is under his mother’s delusions of grandeur.