America is at an energy crossroads.
Victim-hogging consumers have expended far too many emotional resources. Our Rage Tank is running low. It’s getting increasingly difficult to stockpile transgressions and phony oppression. Tumblr is a finite resource, so it’s high time we find even newer renewable sources of outrage.
Gawker is withering on the cultural vine.
Jezebel has finally been reduced to just another celebrity gossip rag—transcending feminism entirely.
Salon is a parody within a parody that will consume itself like an ouroboros.
It’s hard to pinpoint the straw that finally broke PC’s back: the Trayvon Martin hysteria, mustache-racism dude, the Ban Bossy campaign, or more recently, Suey Park. But if you were to lick your finger and hold it in the air, you would feel the angry breeze about to blow these assholes over.
It started with only a few voices with the steel balls to confront the formerly unchallenged beast. But more and more steel-balled persons are becoming emboldened as they realize that these barking pups are toothless. Take a look at any Cultural Marxist website with an open comment section—or better yet, Twitter—and you will find a tidal wave of backlash compared to only a few drops even a year ago. It turns out this type is quite easily bullied! The louder we shout back at these mushy people, the quieter they’ll become.
Marginalized for most of human existence, these recently empowered social scabs seek to hammer out all resistance. Luckily, these are probably the weakest revolutionaries in all of human history, which explains why their war is waged primarily on their cell phones and at “safe” collegiate spaces.
But why do these prickly people exist in the first place?
Boredom. Their lives are too easy. While some folks with strong backs are busy building shelters for the inevitable collapse of convenience society, these invertebrates are busy convincing us that pronouns are fascist weapons. This is why I pray every night to my lord and savior that we will be thrown into a real economic depression. I’ll take filtering my own piss for drinkable water over listening to another gender-fluid clown whine about the indignity of always having to be the one to take out the trash at Taco Bell/Pizza Hut Express.
I also believe that the normalizing—hell, the celebration—of mental illness and pharmaceutical abuse has helped hasten these cretins into social power.
An entire generation has grown up on the Internet making fake personas, and they haven’t grown out of it. Unreality is their reality. The World Wide Web stunted their intellectual growth and turned these creatures who whine all day about others’ privileges into the most privileged class in human history. How hard can your life be when you have the luxury to send tens of thousands of anger Tweets?
Just how many identities can be split, coopted, and divided anyway? It’s like quantum physics—eventually there is a limit to how many times a particle can be divided. Let’s all build a privilege particle accelerator and see what exotic, new sub-identities we can come up with:
Race-fluid trisexuals with transgender training wheels.
Higgs boson lesbians.
But fear not, fellow normcore! All things must pass, no matter how stubbornly prevalent they seem at the time. Remember when the federal government appeared destined to be seeped in right-wing Christian domination forever? No? You may have been playing at recess at the time, but this was the case only a handful of years ago.
Everything has a limit—especially rage. These grieving church mice will soon run out of fuel without an environmentally sound back-up emotion. Eventually they’ll stop policing behavior once they’re no longer the law.
We should celebrate social-justice warriors; these are the Frankenstein monsters that will throw their leftist creators down a fucking well.