When you’re 30 days away from turning 30 and you still have moments where you don’t know what the hell you’re doing, you still have times that you don’t know what the hell you want.
You have fears that still linger from years before and new ones from new experiences.
You feel a little empty in the days leading up, because even though you are happy and thankful for everything you’ve been gifted, you can’t help but mourn for how you envisioned things to be.
You take more deep breaths than usual and walk barefoot more frequently in order to keep yourself grounded.
You eye roll slightly at those who tell you love and the simple things will be enough as you’re realizing that you have to be enough for yourself. Only you can make things that burn your soul a reality.
You reflect and see how far you’ve come. How much you’ve grown. Yet, this number still makes you feel like it just hasn’t been enough.
You now understand that simply believing isn’t enough and you really have to take actions to a new level.
You fight with yourself in finding a new born drive. One that’s birthed through passion, instinct, hope, faith and work ethic. You realize you have passion built up, coinciding with variables. Yet, you’re still frustrated as you’re not sure what to do with it.
You feel like you’re caving in on yourself, so you whisper that it’s like this for everyone and that life milestones are not a race. You believe that, truly. It just doesn’t make you feel any better right now, in these days leading up.
You’ve read how it’s ok to be figuring things out in your 20s. But you’re 29 and that window is closing. What about your 30s?
You also realize it’s not that black or white. That there are things you’re certain of and ideas you’re growing into.
You realize it’s difficult to be positive when you’re sad, but that you’re so capable of it, now more than ever.
You realize that love may not always be enough and the simple things might not be either, but they are worth remembering and living for.
You know that you’re not where you’re supposed to be yet, but that you’re better than you were yesterday and the day before that.
You realize that you’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for.
You realize that you’ve definitely lived in these almost 30 years. You’ve felt things. Learned things. All while understanding you have a lot to learn. You have tuned in and you’ve tuned out, and that’s ok.
You know that your body, mind and soul will be a reflection of this life you’ve lived and that you should embrace that. You know that it’s not an easy thing to do right now, but that you will do it with all that you are when you’re ready.