Sometimes love makes you forget your worth. In those hard moments when you’re hurting but in love. Sometimes the failures of past love make you feel like you have to get it right this time around. Remember, it’s ok if you don’t.
How do you know if someone really loves you? People do so much surface living, I’m not sure if I can tell anymore. Sometimes, it really feels like all the world’s a stage, and people don’t really care. Or maybe I’m just hurting.
Forever sounds like a stupid word right now, love sounds even worse. Right now, forever feels like the end of a novel that you never want to end. The type of literature that leaves you melancholic because it’s so good and you don’t want it to be over. What are you going to do with your time if you finish that last page?
Have you ever felt like running, but not because you’re scared? You want to run because your heart aches so badly that you fear you might actually die from it? All the parts of you that have interconnected with someone might die. The laughs. The trust. The love of it all and them. In turn, pieces of you go with it. Run because you’re angry? What about running because you’re hurting and that’s really what you want to escape from? How about trucking as far away as you can because you’re tired of being good to people and you now want to be someone else? Someone who doesn’t have to hurt anymore.
Do you know of a sad moment? One that’s so hard to sit in it’s like plunging into rushing waters right before the freezing point? That moment is knowing what it’s like to truly love people but feeling as though you hate the entire population. It’s a moment where you feel like hope is gone and your world won’t make it. You try not to care at that moment because you’re triggered, and you don’t want to feel. You don’t want to care. You want to shut down and shut out. You want to run, yet you can’t run fast enough. You can’t run at all. It feels like that moment is running into days.
This is what hurt can feel like. This is how it can formulate reactions in your mind through a neural impulse.
When someone hurts you, though, I want you to know that you do get better.
Things get brighter, I know this too. Don’t run to the shadow of yourself. I know this because I’ve been hurt. I must keep telling myself that right now even, and take my own advice. Hurt has been a learning experience because I’ve made it one. Time does heal, but I’ll tell you that often the days are long, and the minutes are even longer. Minutes feel like that for me today.
I don’t want to tell you that you’ll endure because that’s a choice you have to make, and I have my own onset of pain right now that I need to endure. The type of pain you want to run from.
However, you will embody strength, you just have to sit in the pain of these moments for awhile. People like us? We don’t get to run. Painful moments like these, no matter how long or short-lived, they don’t break people like us; they build us.