To The Boy Who Deserves Better Than Me

Andrew Phillips
Andrew Phillips

I don’t deserve to be with you.

As cliché as it may seem, that line is so true. You’ve seen it in movies, have read in books, and heard in songs. You saw it when you’re scrolling through tweets and Facebook statuses. Or in a quote you have received through a text message. You might have ignored it too many times, but I hope that—this time—you will truly understand.

I was young at heart when you came into my life. But you still asked me what I want in a guy—the type that will make me fall in love. I remember telling you those who are like my favorite fictional characters, and those traits that are present in my father. I laughed at my own answer, and asked why you dropped that out of the blue question. You pretended that you hadn’t seen the curiosity in my eyes. You just smiled genuinely at me. That’s the thing I can never forget about you. How it was easy for me to make you smile.

After then, you started showing me how you feel. I was never blind not to see it and I was never dumb not to know that it was real. I honestly don’t have any idea what to do. I don’t want to hurt you, yet sometimes it wasn’t easy to prevent that from happening. I even told you to stop putting effort because I can’t return the love that you’re giving. You asked me if I could consider giving you a chance, and I told you that I can never do that. It was clear that our feelings weren’t mutual.

You still pursued doing things that you’ve thought will make me fall for you. I keep on turning you down. I know that I’m hurting you and I’m doing it on purpose. I don’t want to be the reason of your wasted efforts. All I can offer is for us to be friends. You want more than that—you want my heart that is not totally into you. I’m enjoying my freedom—being single—and it is difficult for me to let my walls down. I still don’t want someone to take that away from me.

I’m sorry for hurting you. People would say that I was cruel not to consider your feelings. Yet they would never understand how it was hard for me to see you hurting. You are my friend, and I felt bad for what I’ve done. I can’t force myself to enter a relationship if I am not happy to be inside it. I am not that kind of person and I know that you have already figured that out. Some things are not worth the risks. Some things are not worth fighting for. Because it is true, that some things weren’t meant to be.

In the end I know that your feelings will soon change, you will meet someone who will make you feel the way you love to. Someone who will see what I haven’t seen in you. Someone who you will think of every second. Someone who will dream of you every night. Someone who will give you the love I can’t offer. Someone who will always be there every single time that you need her. Someone who will love you despite of your imperfections. Someone who will build a future with you and will stare at you—like you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to her. And when that time comes, I know that you will finally understand, why that someone does not happen to be me. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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