You’ve met a new guy. You like him; like more than a friend like him. You want to impress him and you realize that no one on earth can really tie a cherry stem into a knot in her mouth. Here are 25 things that will impress the guy in your life and prepare for a few gender-based stereotypes (don’t worry… us men know not to do these 6 things).
1. Put your hair up perfectly with nothing but a rubber band and a smile.
2. Taste something you’re never going to like and not make a face (think whiskey…)
3. Haggle for a better price… at a department store.
4. Do anything involving high heels, cobblestones, booze and no skinned knees.
5. Know all the words, not just the hook, to a classic late 90s hip hop jam (personal favorite Rob Base’s “It Takes Two”)
6. Hear incorrect grammar (or wildly inaccurate statements) from someone you don’t respect and keep it to yourself.
7. Know all of the moves to a dance craze. (Think The Charleston, The Roger Rabbit, The Soulja Boy)
8. Say something completely filthy and out of character in bed without prompting. Or not in bed or within character.
9. Articulate what she likes about herself without being cliché or braggadocious (Thank you, Dane Cook.)
10. Not be grossed out by period sex.
11. Have been in a fistfight but not make it a thing.
12. Admit to being wrong before it’s proved with Google.
13. Paint. Artistic, walls, graffiti, anything, most painters are terrible.
14. Melt to a mush puddle over something other than a dog, kitty or baby.
15. Talk sh*t to fans of a rival sports team without getting creepy or adding to #11.
16. Have an in-depth knowledge of at least one historical era that you didn’t specifically study.
17. Laugh at yourself without being too indulgent.
18. Know how to change the oil and a tire.
19 Say something thoughtful about your ex without being cloying.
20. Suggest fast food or gas station food on vacation.
21. Point out attractive women without immediately adding a flaw.
22. Create stories about couples you see in public.
23. Have an alter-ego, discuss this alter-ego in the third person.
24. Own a toolkit, know the names for everything and sort of how to use them.
25. Don’t be a member of Team Angelina OR Team Jen.
26. Be able to sing one song in a language you don’t really know.
27. At least once ask if us if we want to know a secret and then burp in our ear.
28. Enjoy Luke and Owen Wilson brothers for who they are not who we thought they’d be.
29. Have fun euphemisms for sex (“slapping bellies” is a good one)
30. Know one good nerd joke (two electrons walk out of a bar…) and one good dirty joke (What’s the difference between jam and jelly…)