Over the years, I’ve admitted to a lot of embarrassing things (That I worked for a women’s magazine and that I have been known to have my back waxed). But the most embarrassing thing I could think to write about today is that I enjoy being on the inside of a spoon and I’m a dude.
I’d imagine that you’d like to take a second to collect your thoughts as your mind has been straight-up blown. I hope you’re sitting down for this next part: I’m into ladies. Normal-sized, non-masculine women.
In summary, I prefer the inside position while spooning, I’m heterosexual, not into dominating (or domineering) ladies and I’m a dude. Jesus, it feels like I just dropped a load of bricks off my shoulders. And it’s not like I mind being the outside spoon from time to time, I’m not a monster.
I’ve gone through most of my adult life under the impression that there was something slightly wrong with me. Who’s ever heard of a dude that likes getting held? (Note: The hugging has to end before I have any chance of falling asleep, seriously.) But this weekend, I heard about another man who doesn’t mind be the inner huggee. If it’s even possible, this guy is even more macho than me and even more into normal ladies. If there are two of us out there, there have to be more. More dudes who are the inside spoon.
And that begs the question, what’s wrong with a strapping, straight dude not minding being hugged from behind while lying in bed? (In all fairness, it’s a different question than, “What’s wrong with a man crying?” A man’s allowed to cry when something bad happens to one of his kids, his wife leaves him (penniless), his parents die or he’s drunk. There are probably a few other permutations of when it’s OK for a man to cry, I’ve just never heard them.)
The inside spoon (like riding on the back of a motorcycle or ‘bitch’ as the cycling community affectionately calls it) is a position of submission and tactical inferiority (how was that, Dwight Schrute?). And I personally think that it’s a sign of equality, allowing a lady to have the back spoon. Who am I kidding? It’s just not natural for a dude (one into ladies, that is) to ride the inner spoon, is it? Maybe one day our children or our children’s children will live in a world where it’s OK (or at least tolerated) for a proud, macho dude to ride inner spoon.