I’m a college student and I’ve got a lot of feelings about girls. There are so many different types of girls, I figured it would be helpful to rate some of them for you.
Gilmore Girls: (A)
The only person I can imagine hating Lorelai and Rory Gilmore would have been Chris Brown a year ago but now he’s back together with Rihanna and I don’t know what to think anymore. Anyway, Rory Gilmore is getting married in real life to Pete Campbell from Mad Men. It feels like she graduated from Yale just yesterdayyy.
Gossip Girl: (XOXA+)
The greatest show of our time. I couldn’t believe when they revealed The Statue of Liberty was Gossip Girl though. Sort of implausible if you look back at the first couple seasons.
Girls (band): (B+)
I remember when they got mad that Lena Dunham named her show after their band. Their claim to the word “girls” might have been dubious but while they were still together they had some great singles. “Lust For Life” song/video felt like it came out of nowhere in 2009.
Girls (show): (B+)
LENA DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM. Did this live up to Tiny Furniture? Did everything fall apart in the last few episodes of Season 2? Is Booth Jonathan the greatest artist of our time/voice of a generation? This show asks so many questions and starts so many conversations.
Spice Girls: (A)
I feel like I don’t really have to say anything for this one. You know the Spice Girls deserve an A and I really have nothing to add here.
Indigo Girls: (C)
These girls are still touring which I suppose is impressive in a way. Their last album was called “Beauty Queen Sister” and judging by the album art it was about Ed Hardy and trailer parks.
2 Broke Girls: (C+)
This show should be renamed 2 Chainz and completely rewritten to star 2 Chainz. That’s all I have to say about 2 Broke Girls I guess.
Dum Dum Girls: (B)
Their first album was so good but then they got more serious/heavy-handed which some people like but I’m not really into. I don’t like when people start yelling “WE MAKE MUSIC/WE ARE ARTISTS/HEAR OUR VINTAGE DISTORTED GUITARS ROAR” or something like that. Yelling in general is usually pretty annoying but especially when people are yelling that.
Girls Aloud: (B)
I mean, like the Spice Girls what’s there really to say about Girls Aloud? They’re great. They’re not as great as the Spice Girls, but they’re great.
New Girl: (C+)
Zooey Deschanel what have you done? I have tried to watch this so many times as I usually trust when Vulture says something is starting to get good but I just can’t. Problem is probably with me but these are MY FEELINGS.
US Girls: (B)
USA! USA! USA! GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS. They’re actually a pretty good band though.
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (movie): (A)
David Fincher should direct everything. Rooney Mara and Daniel Craig should star in everything. Karen O should soundtrack every opening sequence.
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (book): (?)
I didn’t read the book.
Vivian Girls: (B)
The Vivian Girls are so coollll. They seem like a “band’s band.” They almost seem like a fake band from a show or a movie but that’s not necessarily a bad thing I suppose.
The Cheetah Girls: (A++)
Where are you Raven-Symoné? Where have you gone?