Remember when adults would ask you what you wanted to be when you grow up? I remember that, and I also remember asking myself that same question just a few hours ago. Turns out I still don’t really have a good answer. However, I do know that these jobs are not as appealing as they once sounded as a kid.
Being able to go into outer space seemed like a dream job as a kid. You would blast off the planet and float around in cools suits, attempt to meet aliens, and you got to drink liquid food out of toothpaste tubes. Kids who grew up in the 90s will especially remember that the ultimate prize that was given away on shows like Legends of the Hidden Temple on Nickelodeon was a trip to space camp. As a kid I always felt bad for the other kids that won the 3 day cruise ship vacation instead of the trip to space camp.
Why It Sucks: It seems like no one respects astronauts anymore. Astronauts were once respected as much as war heroes, showing bravery and going where no man has ever gone before. Maybe it doesn’t seem as impressive anymore because we regularly spend just $200.00 to fly into the clouds and travel across multiple states in just a few hours. Then, when we land, the only thing we talk about is how long we had to wait on the runway before the plane lifted off into the sky seamlessly.
Now we’ve got an open casting call for people (200,000 applied) who want to take a one way suicide mission trip to Mars with candidates saying things like, “’I could be the one setting up your Internet on Mars.” You think you’re going to go to Mars to set up an internet connection so you can Netflix and chill? On the bright side, making the cut for this mission to Mars would complete the applicants’ life goal of committing suicide in the craziest way possible.
“So I heard Andrew killed himself. What happened?”
“Yeah crazy story man, he tried to go live on Mars. Yeah, said he just really loved science. “
2. Police Officer
As a kid, one of the main games you played was cops and robbers, which was a variation of tag. Side note: A kid in my 3rd grade class claimed that he invented tag, which was a crazy thing to claim even for a child. Anyways, you never wanted to be it while playing tag, but if you got to be a cop, it somehow made the chore of chasing everyone down much more appealing.
It seemed like every 3rd kid wanted to be a police officer. Also, it seemed like if you were a cop you could bend the law and do whatever you wanted. This was somewhat true (especially in 80’s movies) until cell phone videos and body cameras became more prevalent.
Why It Sucks: If you’re not in a potential life and death situation, the rest of your work day is spent ruining other people’s days giving out tickets. Also have you seen the news? Just pretty much any news in the last year or so: Yeah, doesn’t look so fun anymore.
3. Ice Cream Truck Driver
Now I’ll admit this isn’t a normal job that kids pick as their dream job, but I’m sure if you pitched it to a kid he’d be all for it. What would be a better sounding job for a kid than driving around a truck full of ice cream and passing it out to your friends? I imagine that their heads would explode once you told them that people actually get paid to do this.
Why It Sucks: Trying to attract a bunch of children near a motorized vehicle is not how you want to be spending your Saturday afternoon, and if it is, you probably shouldn’t be allowed to sell ice cream treats to kids. You never want to meet an ice cream truck driver who is super enthusiastic about his line of work. Also, as an adult you realize that there’s a thing out there that’s even better than ice cream, and it’s called beer.
It seems like every girl wanted to be a dancer or a ballerina at some point growing up. I can’t blame them as ballerinas have always been thought of as beautiful and graceful. Also, you were the team captain of your middle school dance team so how hard could it be to do it professionally right?
Why It Sucks: The reality is that ballerinas are an endangered species, and you’ll probably end up as a back-up dancer in one of Kanye West’s music videos if you’re lucky enough to get that far. Most will end up working as a waitress and picking up odd jobs trying to make a living until they reach the ripe old age of 30 where most careers end in that field. If you’re having a hard time making money dancing, I guess there’s always the strip club. I’m told that old age is not an issue at some establishments.
What’s cooler than helping out animals? You love your pet dog so why wouldn’t you want to learn how to help save all dogs and all animals for that matter? Saving animals sounds awesome as a kid and at that age you believe pretty much everything medically related just involves a shot from a plastic syringe and some vitamins shaped like The Flintstones characters.
Why It Sucks: You have to learn the anatomy of not only dogs, but probably at least 10 other different types of animals. If you’re a doctor you can just focus solely on the human body, and you’re already somewhat familiar with that as you’ve been a human your whole life. Also, the only time people come to see veterinarians is when the animal that they love (sometimes more than any other human) is either injured, severely sick, or is literally going to be put to sleep. So in summation, you essentially murder old dogs all day. Not as fun as you once thought.