How To Talk To Each Type Of Person You’ll Run Into On Thanksgiving Break

Saturday Night Live
Saturday Night Live

Thanksgiving: An underrated holiday that manages to encapsulate the warmth of Christmas while still remaining pretty chill. Christmas plans always seem a bit busy and stressful, while Thanksgiving is all about being able to revel in the nothing. The hardest thing you’ll have to do on Thanksgiving will be the action of lugging your body away from the dinner table in order to mosey over to the couch to watch some football. That being said, if you’re going home for Thanksgiving break, you’re going to encounter some people you haven’t seen or talked to in a while – especially at the bars on the night before Thanksgiving. Here are some tips on how to socialize with those long lost acquaintances.

How to talk to your old teachers

Once you graduate high school, there are basically two types of teachers. The ones that you’d be ok with seeing out in the real world and the ones you definitely don’t want to see out in the world. Luckily, if you’re running into your old teachers at a bar the night before Thanksgiving, chances are you’re probably going to be ok with seeing them out. However, you will begin to become more and more self-conscious of your age each year you run into one of your old teachers. The problem is that they will only remind you how young you used to be, and how you look so much older now. Just take comfort in the fact that you’re still much younger than them.

How to talk to your ex high school sweetheart

If you’re bringing home a new partner for the first time, try to slide into a group conversation that your ex is already in to avoid any type of one-on-one introduction. Otherwise, your partner is inevitably going to ask, “So how do you two know each other?” This is a question that only sets everyone up to fail and should really be banned from the English language. 

If you’re both single, why not make a move as long as things ended on good terms? However, if things really escalate, just prepare yourself for a very awkward morning saying hello to Mr. and Mrs. Fisher as you attempt to quietly exit their house. I would maybe suggest sneaking out the window for old time’s sake, and for everyone’s morning’s sake.

How to talk to your high school buddies

After about five years after graduating high school, you’ll begin to get a vague sense of everyone’s life trajectory. Sure, some people will end up doing something entirely different within the next couple years, but at the very least you’ll begin to see which of your friends are sticking around your hometown for the long run. Everyone will be at a different point in their career and life, and getting the conversation started can be slightly stiff and awkward at the beginning. However, after about three beers, the stories about the time Eric exclaimed, “Bank!” as he bank shot a wadded up piece of paper off your pregnant teacher’s belly into the garbage can will come up and you’ll have a blast recapping some old memories while making some new ones.  

How to talk to the bartender

This mainly applies to small town bars where the owner of the bar is the only bartender, and Thanksgiving Eve is the busiest night of the year. This night is bitter sweet for the bartender as it brings in a lot of business, but is a business that only exists for this one night a year. You won’t have to say much to the bartender, and if you’re smart you’ll score some free drinks throughout the night. The key is to get in good with the older townies, or at the very least your friend who hasn’t left town yet. You just need the bartender to see you mingling with the regulars to eventually ensure you a free drink, or at the very least some discount prices on some group Wild Turkey shots.

How to talk to your racist, drunk, and overly opinionated uncle

This is probably the easiest person you’ll have to talk to as long as you play your cards right.

All you have to do is just nod your head and agree with whatever comes out of his mouth. Sure, some of the things he’ll say will be wildly offensive and entirely incorrect, but just scoop in another bite of mashed potatoes. Don’t get caught up in an argument about whether or not a gay black man should be allowed to marry a transgender. That’s a sexual identity wormhole of politics, religion, and ethics you do not want to go down.

So enjoy your Thanksgiving break and don’t stress. Remember, Thanksgiving is all about being able to revel in the nothing. TC mark

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So far Toby has been alive ever since he was born. He currently helps people write their wedding speeches at laughstaff.com. You can follow him on Twitter or like him on Facebook for more laughter stuff. Follow Toby on Twitter or read more articles from Toby on Thought Catalog.
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