1 The questionably sized carry on guy
This is the person that brings on the wheeled carry-on bag that has no possible way of fitting in those overhead bins. Their carry-on bag is like Tyler Perry’s bank account, larger than it should be.
2 The businessman
This is the well-dressed man or woman probably flying first class and carrying a briefcase. If they’re not sitting in first class, they’re going to look extremely annoyed, because the magic of flying has worn off for them. I’ve never seen the true practicality of a briefcase. Having a briefcase is like having a backpack that you can’t bend. Then again, I’ve never had to carry a copious amount of business from one location to another.
3 The get on board way too early people
These are the people that boggle me the most probably. These people stand and wait in line to be the first people on a large tube, which you will be trapped in for the next few hours. What are the benefits of sitting on a plane for a longer period of time?
4 The first time flyer
This will be an easy one to spot, because they will either be very excited or very nervous leading up to takeoff. They have yet to be burned by the airlines and still have a child like wonder to that which is the miracle of flight. They’ll learn though, oh, they’ll learn.
5 The Crying Baby
6 The curious co-seater
This is the person that sits next to you and tries to spark up a conversation with you throughout the flight. They show no hesitation to headphones periodically interrupting your jams or podcast to ask you questions like, “Where ya from?” or “Where ya heading?” You will most likely have nothing in common with this person, and you will also never see them again.
7 The young family just trying to survive the trip
This is usually a husband and wife with two small children in the 5-8 year old category. The parents will each be carrying an extra carry on filled with anything and everything that will hopefully keep these kids entertained in a confined space for the next few hours. They will most likely be visiting either relatives or Disneyland, because nowhere else would merit the hassle of traveling with these uncontrollable little humans no matter how adorable they are.
8 The way too comfortable guy
This is the person who takes their shoes off and props their feet out on your tray table by the time you take off. This unaware (of other humans) monster also reclines their seat making any knee space previously available to the person behind them disappear faster than American Idol’s ratings.
9 The honeymooners
You may see some lovebirds going to or coming back from their honeymoon. You’ll be able to tell if they’re on their way back, by the deafening silence between the two as they finally start realizing how much the wedding and honeymoon cost, and that they just signed up to spend the rest of their lives together.
10 The traveling group
This one can vary from a team wearing those matching windbreakers to a guy traveling with some kids on a mission trip. The people you see in windbreakers are always from uninteresting schools playing uninteresting sports like lacrosse, and the people on mission trips just make you feel ashamed of your own selfish life.
11 The somewhat established 20 something
These are probably the easiest people to deal with on airplanes. They know that the ability to fly is still pretty cool, so they aren’t too snobby about the whole process, but they also know you can get burned. They’ve intelligently prepared themselves to block all forms of social interaction with an iPod and headphones.
12 The sleep leaner
This person can sleep through a plane crash and will do so leaning on your shoulder.
13 The love interest
Maybe this is just the hopeless romantic in me, but I think of airports as a somewhat romantic place. People often use airplanes to visit people they love, and many movies feature romantic scenes in an airport setting. Usually, there is a certain person you see in the waiting gate that you find attractive. Your brain has time to kill so you imagine a romantic scenario where you end up sitting next to each other on the plane and spark up an amazing connection. Months later, you’ll inadvertently bump into each other at a random coffee shop. You’ll reconnect as they explain how they had accidentally given you their old phone number back when you met on the plane; classic mix-up. You get married, have kids, and die at an old age in an airplane crash, but only right after you whisper, “This is where we first met.” Maybe it’s alright to imagine this scenario, but you’ll never sit next to them on the plane.
14 The proud grandmother
You may only hear this person say one sentence, but that one sentence will be about how they are traveling to see or coming back from seeing their grandkids.
15 The I hope that person doesn’t sit next to me guy
This is probably what people are thinking of me when my head ducking 6 foot 6 body comes walking down the aisle. However, this category isn’t limited to people that don’t fit the physical specifications of most airplanes; this could also apply to a person with kids, bad hygiene, or someone you just overheard arguing that Home Alone 3 was the best Home Alone in the series.