Scott Hoy is a lawyer in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Folks from around the area are pretty used to his local commercials where he stares down the camera, tells everyone about some lawyer things, and then mentions that he’s Scott Hoy at the end. On this particular commercial however, Hoy perhaps should have asked for a retrial.
Here are the words that came out of his mouth, written out in text form—simply stunning. The lines in parentheses that follow his text are my inner monologue responding to his ad.
Scott Hoy: We’ve seen a series of one car accidents recently involving rollovers, and serious injuries to passengers.
(This is the only line in the commercial that makes sense.)
Scott Hoy: I don’t know if it’s video games or what, but it’s so unfair to after something like this to blame people in the back seat or say they deserved it.
(Is he blaming video games for rollover accidents?)
Scott Hoy: I don’t like consoling these parents about what’s happened, but I’ll do it till it stops.
(So kids are responsible for all of the one car accidents?)
Scott Hoy: Will you please stop?
Scott Hoy: I’m Scott Hoy.
My Christmas wish is that the auto-tune the news people cover this masterpiece of nonsense. I suggest maybe a mash up of Miley Cyrus’ “We Can’t Stop” with Hoy’s response of “will you please stop?”