1. Music festivals.
I don’t know how you people like to enjoy your music festivals, but if I’m going to spend my time at one, I’ll typically engage in certain activities that heighten my senses. And it always just amplifies the fact that the public restroom options made available at these events can be overwhelmingly disgusting. In fact, I’ve said in the past that I’d rather shit my pants than have to use a port-o-potty six hours into a music festival on a hot summer day. With an adult diaper, you can make that trade off, while making much less of a mess.
Traveling — especially outside of the United States — is a great way to expand your horizons and let your friends back home know that you’re a better person than they are. However, many situations arise along the way where an AD (adult diaper) can be your MVP. The long security line at the airport, airport bathrooms where US politicians are soliciting people for sexual activity, and long plane, bus, or car rides are just a few of the obstacles you can run into en route to your destination. Once you arrive in your foreign land of choice, the scenery and photo opportunities may be beautiful, but you may find the lavatories to be subpar compared to the luxury that you’re accustomed to in the US. I can understand not wanting to dress like a person who is incontinent when traveling to a new continent, but it never hurts to be prepared.
3. Food porn.
Another favorite Millennial activity involves visiting the coolest local restaurants, ordering a bunch of food, and devouring it, all while perfectly documenting the experience with a camera phone. For true food porn enthusiasts, “before,” “during,” and “after” photos of the meal are a necessity, or else the entire experience is tainted. This is typically done in the presence of a significant other, or a group of friends, which means it can be quite the production. There is no reason to risk interrupting your dining experience, or more importantly the process of documenting it, just because you have to make a trip to the bathroom. With an adult diaper, you can get your Food Porn on without worrying about having to answer to an emergency call from good ol’ Mother Nature.
4. Going to a bar or club.
There are many upsides to rocking an adult diaper in this situation. First off, the extra padding from the diaper adds some shape to your ass, so you’ll look better in whatever outfit that you’re wearing. This is especially helpful if you’ve been skipping leg day. Secondly, you no longer have to worry about long bathroom lines, annoying bathroom attendants, walking into a vomit-covered stall, obnoxious bathroom behavior from fellow patrons, and the various other nuisances that come with public restrooms at clubs and bars. Finally, and most importantly, wearing the diaper allows you to down that last glass of white wine or shot of tequila knowing that you can pass out wherever, whenever, and not make a tragic mess on yourself, your bed sheets, a stranger’s bed sheets, a friend’s couch, the sidewalk, or anywhere else except your adult diaper. Well, unless you throw up. The adult diaper can’t help you with that one.
Netflix is one of the most important inventions of the last 2000 years. It allows for low-key, inexpensive nights spent inside with your significant other where minimum communication is required. It also provides the ability to binge watch TV series in their entirety, which for many people has resulted in not moving from the bed or couch for days at a time. While in the midst of one of these binges, having to pause the show to get up and go to the bathroom may remove the gravitas from a key dramatic moment, destroy the timing of a hilarious joke, or even kill the intensity of an exhilarating action scene. This could ruin the whole episode of the show. It might even ruin the whole season, and possibly the entire series. With the help of an adult diaper, you don’t have to take that risk.
As a generation, we have a reputation of being narcissistic, entitled, and slow to “grow up.” We might as well take it a step further, make our lives a little easier, and put our diapers back on. Just make sure to always keep the baby wipes, air freshener, and hand sanitizer close by.