We’ve all received those text messages that require an army of female experts (aka your squad) reading over your shoulder with red wine in hand to decode. Just to save you some time, we thought we would decode the annoying phrases guys seem to toss around like a football.
1. “Let’s link up soon”
I’m not interested enough to lock down a specific date, but in general, you should know that I don’t totally hate your presence.
2. “What are you doing tonight?”
(if you answer and he never follows back up, or he does 5 hours later at 2am) There’s a good chance I’ll have whiskey dick tonight and won’t be able to get it up, but in the slim chance that I can, I would like to fuck you for ten seconds and then fall asleep on top of you.
3. “Take down my number”
I don’t think you’re worth chasing, but I still would love to hit it from behind, so I’m going to say things that mind fuck you right before giving you my number so that you hit me up constantly and try to “figure me out.”
4. “You’re too good for me”
He doesn’t like you and thinks your music taste sucks. Sorry, but if the homeless guy that stands outside your favorite Walgreens has the balls to catcall at you, there is NO way being “out of your league” is a real intimidating factor for men.
5. “I’d rather talk about this in person than over texts”
I’m just saying this to try and get you to shut up and think I care to talk about it so we can avoid this conversation. I’m also planning on getting you really drunk next time I see you and seducing you so that you forget we were supposed to have this conversation.
6. “Keep me posted”
I don’t really feel like putting a ton of work into this, so can you just text me every few hours and tell me what your deal is… At some point, if you seem worth putting pants on for, I’ll get off the couch and pity laugh your jokes while I imagine you naked.