Ugh. Look at so-and-so over there. He’s so into himself. That shirt is so ugly, and his hair is like, way too nicely cut. I hate his piercing blue eyes too. I hate him. But I would totally have sex with him.
Sound familiar? If you’ve ever woken up in the same bed as someone who typically irritates the crap out of you, you’re not alone. Think about it, maybe he was just getting under your skin because you were subconsciously longing to get it on.
Four single ladies dish on a time when their sexual tension with one of the super-charming-jerk-types turned into a regretful morning after.
1. “It was the best sex of my life.” — Lydia
“I had a really bad breakup with my ex-boyfriend,” she said. “I literally hated him because he cheated on me with my neighbor.”
Not too long after their breakup Lydia ran into her ex at a Halloween party, where he threw a drink on her. “We ended up fighting back and forth all night (classy, I know), and somehow ended up in the basement of the house, having sex on a dirty concrete floor,” she said.
“But I swear, it was the best sex of my life … maybe because I was dressed as a sexy school girl. We didn’t even bother trying to get back together after that, and I still loathe him to this day. I saw him out this past Thanksgiving weekend, and he tried to pour his drink on me AGAIN, but was too drunk that he missed, and got kicked out of the bar. Some things really never change.”
2. “He asked me to call him ‘Daddy’.” — Jenna
“I met this guy Brian on St. Patty’s day, so I may have drank a bit too much,” said Jenna. “The next morning I woke up with this gigantic man sleeping across me and two of my friends in my bed. He woke up and said, ‘Do you remember falling in love with me last night?’ so naturally, I thought he was hilarious, if slightly obnoxious.”
Brian and his friends began hanging out at Jenna’s house more often, and “made themselves very comfortable, very quickly.”
One night they came to her house in the middle of the night and started banging on the door nonstop for a half hour screaming her name at the top of their lungs.
“I finally answered the door to get him to go away and told him that he was no longer welcome at our house. I ended up running into him again at a local bar, and he came up to me being all schmoozy and funny, and I told him that I only like people with integrity, because he denied remembering practically banging my door down,” she said.
“Well, then the schmooziness started to win me over, and we went back to my house to hook up, and that’s when schmoozy turned into creepy. He asked me to call him ‘Daddy,’ so I did it once, but then felt way too weird about it. Next, he asked me to call out his name, which happens to be the same as my younger brother, so I finished up with the sex pretty quickly and kicked him out of my bed in the middle of the night.”
3. “It basically cost me $100 to sleep with someone I hated.” — Lisa
When she was in college, Lisa had sex with Jake, even though he was a jerk to her and she couldn’t stand him.
“When winter of sophomore year rolled around, I was out with my field hockey teammates and the hockey team was there. Of course, Jake is talking me up saying that he was so sorry for being a jerk, and telling me how beautiful I was, blah blah blah,” said Lisa.
“Long story short, he ended up coming home with me, and we slept together. He began running around the hallway completely naked afterward, which made me laugh, but also remember why I hated him so much.”
Lisa knew she would end up having to drive him home, so she set her alarm for 6:00 am to hurry up the process. “We get in the car and I end up being pulled over for speeding in a residential area, and I got stuck with a $100 ticket,” she said. “So it basically cost me $100 to sleep with someone I hated.”
4. “He couldn’t bother showering for our hookup sesh, and then expected me to babysit while he took drugs.” — Liz
“I had been hooking up on again off again with this kid for years,” said Liz. “The last time he came over, he was hungover and I could tell that he didn’t take a shower, but I had sex with him anyway. I was psyched when he suggested going out to get beers after … until we split the bill. By the time he left, I was feeling pretty annoyed at both him, and myself,” she said.
One weekend, The Ex’s number popped up on Liz’s phone. “He was being really weirdly nice to me, so I could tell something was up, unfortunately.”
When Liz asked him what was behind his drastic change of heart, he told her that he had just taken psychedelic drugs, and wanted her to talk him down from his high.
“I literally couldn’t believe him. This f*cking kid couldn’t even take a shower before coming over to hook up with me, couldn’t pay for my two beers, and then expects me to dedicate my night trying to talk him out of hallucinating about Count Dracula? I think not,” she said. “I didn’t hate him the last time we hooked up, and I’m not sure if I hate him now, but I definitely don’t want anything to do with his bullsh*t anymore.”