Expectations are dandelions. Just one or two seem harmless – even pretty. And we learn from a young age to pick them, leaving their roots deep in the soil beneath, and to blow our big wishes into our little hands. And then they spread.
Humans expecting something in return for anything, and everything, they put into the world. Especially when it comes to relationships. These are dandelions. And I’m looking around in all the yards around me to blankets of yellow petals – weeds disguised as flowers.
You see it every day, the small intricacies others do or say about each other that imply, in the simplest and unnoticed ways, that they own or belong to each other.
When I see the words “I’m so thankful that you’re mine,” the only ones I can think of are Holly Golightly saying, “people don’t belong to people.” They don’t. You cannot own a human being. And they do not owe you anything.
But you think that they do. Particularly so if you give your heart to them. You expect them to give you something in return for that.
The words “I love you,” in a romantic sense are usually said for selfish reasons: to hear it back; just to say it, so you know you said it, “if anything happens”, for your own personal piece of mind; but mostly, to hear it back.
All the broken-hearted songs and poetry of unrequited love, and lost love, and just a general “I deserve you, why don’t you love me back simply because I love you.” These are dandelions.
Stop loving only to feel love. This is not love. But your lawn is filled with dandelions, and they’ve told you that it is.
Love whole humans just to love them.
And don’t ask them to love you in return.
Leave the dandelions alone to take over someone else’s life, though I know they’re going to be tempting. I know you will see everyone else, with wishes in their hands, spreading the seeds that will ultimately destroy anything healthy they could possibly have.
But leave them be.
Lay some stable concrete down beneath your feet. Ask only one person to love you every single day: yourself.
Some you love may not love you in return.
Some may take advantage of the love you give and you may still revoke it at any time.
But keep loving them. Without expectation.
And when if they love you or if they don’t: you’ve laid out your own foundation – a slab of self-fulfillment, security, and stability – without a blanket of weeds.
And, my dear, you will be just fine.