Have you ever noticed that when you first fall in love with someone, you are so overwhelmed with potential and excitement that you tend to allow some of their quirks to pass under the radar undetected? You let the fact that he blows snot rockets out of his nose in public slide because he is great in bed and cooks a mean steak.
You gush to all of your friends about how you think he is “the one.” You tell them he “is seriously perfect, like, the funniest guy ever, and so sweet—and oh my gosh girl he for real has the biggest…heart.” Your friends will nod along in excitement with you because they are good friends, yet in the back of their mind they can’t help but have a bit of deja vu; as if they had been in this exact same scene with you once before.
As time goes on and comfort sets in, you begin to notice little things. They start off small enough; he leaves his clothes on the bathroom floor, he puts his dish NEXT to the sink instead of in it (then you realize he hasn’t washed a dish since you’ve been together), and maybe he spends a little too much time watching YouTube videos instead of snuggling with you. You remind yourself that you love and accept him, flaws and all. And yet, after a while, resentment sets in.
You have certain expectations in place for how you believe your man should act. If he respected you and your wishes, he would make an effort to listen to your criticism of his character and change his behavior. When he doesn’t, you begin growing angry at what you once labeled as his eccentricities;you now view them as blatant disregard for your feelings.
When he leaves a shirt on the floor, you grow enraged—you have told him ten times how much this annoys you, yet he continues to do it. You roll your eyes and say “here we go” when he pulls out his phone and starts giggling at videos of guys kicking each other in the junk. And when he blows a snot rocket in the Publix parking lot, you lose your shit.
You begin chastising him for his lazy, disgusting behavior—and when it doesn’t seem to register with him what exactly he did to upset you, you begin naming items off of an imaginary list of things he does that you don’t like. He is standing there confused as to how a snot rocket prompted this vicious attack, and you are looking off in the distance longingly at a man opening the car door for his girlfriend, wondering to yourself: “Why couldn’t he be more like him?”
Newsflash girlfriend: That guy opening the car door probably blows snot rockets as well, and not only that, he is probably cheating on her with her sister right now. You don’t know—and you never will. When you look at things from a distance, the mystery seems so beautiful and appealing, but when you take a closer look you realize everything is not always as it seems. You are probably the kind of girl who goes out on a double date with your friend, and when her boyfriend feeds her a piece of cake off of his plate you promptly elbow your boyfriend and point at them as if to say: “Look at him, that was so sweet—why don’t you ever do stuff like that for meeeee?” How do I know? Because I was that girl; and it almost cost me everything.
Look at what you have in front of you. You have a man who loves you, who rarely has a negative word to say about you, who probably works his ass off to support you, eats your cooking even when it sucks, and faithfully lays next to you each night with love in his heart. The moment you start comparing him to the “highlight reel” of another man’s life is the moment you rob your significant other of any chance he has at being “enough” for you. He is not PlayDoh, so stop trying to mold him into something that you want him to be that he is incapable of being. Start appreciating what he does do for you and I guarantee you will notice a change in him. Stop knocking him down and making him feel unworthy, and stop treating him as if he is the little brother your parents forced you to take to the mall with you. He is a man; your man, and if you treat him with respect and appreciation, he will respond by being a greater partner than you could have ever imagined. Communicate with him, accept him, and make him feel like he is your king, and before you know it—he will be treating you like a queen. Oh, and stop looking at the greener grass on the other side—chances are it’s fertilized with bullshit.