Your friends’ siblings, who were tiny people when you used to go over to their place in high school, are now fully blossoming into adults and frankly it’s kind of freaky.
Due to inconsistent fitness habits and a love for buffets, my body has fluctuated in recent months. One week there’s abs, another there’s just mushiness. It’s like an actor altering their physique for two very different roles, but in those skinny-fat phases, you learn a lot. Here are some of those things.
When they made plans in front of me and didn’t invite me.
Dogs can tell when you’re coming home by how much of your scent is left in the house if you have a daily routine.
She’s immortal. She’s legendary. She’s beautiful. And you don’t know the first thing about her.
I have a female cousin who very briefly drove for Uber and she said one large male passenger smelled her hair by leaning into the front seat, called her “little girl” the whole ride and tried to convince her to change the destination from a bar to the middle of the goddamn woods. She no longer drives for Uber.
Would you rather have everyone twice your age and older talk like an adult from Charlie Brown or everyone half your age and younger talk like a minion?
The overly firm handshake is always annoying. I’m not a freak show of strength but I have a good enough grip that I can get them to back off.
When my four year old found a pair of scissors at Kindergarten and cut the school phone line.
My whole family modeled back in the 80s. Somehow my dad ended up in a brochure for some born again church that said he was a sinner and adulterer until he found Jesus.