38. I was coming out of general anesthesia after a surgery to repair a broken leg. I woke up in my room with about a dozen very caring, kind friends and relatives who had all come to see that I was ok. I looked around, saw everyone giving shits about me, said, “Fuck this” (loudly and very clearly), and went right back to sleep. My friends thought it was hilarious. My mom was mortified.
39. After getting my wisdom teeth removed I looked at my mother-in-law and said, “How did you get on my rocket ship?”