46. That every place that I actually want to go to is closed.
47. It reminds me of how much I hate myself, but in a good way, if that makes sense. My family is usually a little more warm toward each other around this time, and my wife’s family turns up being already affectionate to making me want to just fucking cry because they’re saying nice things to me and hugging me. I don’t know how to process that shit. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me, but being treated with kindness tears me apart. I can handle being threatened, being screamed at, dealing with my own anger, panic attacks, being scared, all that. But for the life of me I don’t know what to do when someone treats me real nice. Like, I don’t know where in my brain to put the way I feel about it and it just fucks with me to where I wonder what’s the matter with me and how my friggin life went so wrong that kind interactions turn me into a sniveling bitch.